Some couples coping with marriage problems refuse counseling, because they believe therapy itself causes divorce. Here are several reasons marital therapy may appear to cause divorce, plus several suggestions for saving a troubled relationship with counseling.
Couples Aren’t Always Honest in Therapy
One reason marriage therapy seems to cause divorce is the fact that couples aren’t always honest with their partners or the counselor. Spouses may be ashamed, embarrassed, or reluctant to admit their thoughts and actions, which creates barriers in the marriage.
Relationships like this eventually end in divorce – and the couple thinks it’s because of the marriage therapy. To save a troubled marriage, partners must be as honest as possible in and out of therapy.
Couples Try Marriage Counseling as a Last Resort
Couples who go to counseling usually have serious marriage problems, and haven't learned about conflict resolution in marriage. When problems get too big, they can't always be solved – even with the help of a marital therapist.
When couples wait until the issues are insurmountable before seeking counseling, the problems may be too deep and ingrained to solve. To save a troubled marriage, resolve to deal with marriage problems before years have passed.
Couples Quit Therapy Too Soon
Marriage problems can take years to develop, and require time, effort, and energy to resolve! If the couple quits therapy after few months and then separates, it could appear that the counseling caused the divorce. In reality, it was the fact that the couple didn’t work on their problems long enough. To save a troubled marriage, stay in counseling for at least six months – or even a year.
Marriage Counselors Can Cause Problems in Relationships
Some couples counselors damage marriages and actually cause problems that lead to divorce. A therapist can make marriage problems worse by choosing the wrong therapeutic approach, announcing the marriage is doomed to failure, or by simply being incompetent.
To save your troubled marriage, ask the therapist for credentials and references. Ask for a free “information interview,” and make sure the counselor helps you both feel comfortable and accepted.
Couples counseling doesn't typically cause divorce. Usually, therapy reveals unresolvable or deep-seated issues; it's those marriage problems that lead to divorce. Learning healthy conflict resolution in marriage from the beginning – before the wedding, even -- is the best way to build a healthy, happy marriage.
Related Articles on Marriage and Relationships
Couples who want to stay married without counseling might find How to Save Your Marriage Without Counseling helpful.
For more information about solving marriage problems, read the Top 10 Articles on Marital Happiness.
For help with physical or emotional infidelity, visit Resources for Emotional Infidelity and Cheating.
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen is a full-time writer and blogger in Vancouver, BC, and the creator of the Quips and Tips blog series.
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