What do you do when you feel great, but someone you love is depressed? According to Psychology Today, depressed spouses believe they're helpless. Depressed people are often passive, thinking nothing will work to change their life or feelings. Depressed spouses may not have the energy or motivation to think about lifestyle changes, more effective thinking habits, or consulting doctors. Depressed spouses often can't actively pursue change.
How can you help when someone you love is depressed? Accept them just as they are. For some depressed spouses, unconditional acceptance is all they need. Other depressed spouses may benefit from more active support. You can help by learning about the causes of depression and the treatments for depression.
When someone you love is depressed, you can:
- Assist in finding a doctor, therapist, or depression support group. A depressed spouse may not be motivated to do this alone.
- Participate in therapy, if appropriate. When someone you love is depressed, offer your support in all ways.
- Encourage activities that are known to reduce depression: nutrition, exercise, writing, reading, talking, and even natural treatments for depression. When someone you love is depressed, a range of activities could help.
- Try different alternative approaches to depression (if eating nutritiously doesn't help, try writing every morning). When someone you love is depressed, it's good to try anything to help.
- Invite them along when you go out for dinner, to exercise class, out with friends, etc.
- Research current theories and treatments of depression together. Learning about your partner's depression will help you understand and accept him or her.
- Remain positive and optimistic – and be patient. When someone you love is depressed, it helps to stay upbeat.
- Highlight humor whenever you can! Watch funny movies, tell jokes, tease them and others. Humor can ease depression, even if it's only temporarily.
- Encourage spirituality: praying, meditation, communing with nature. When someone you love is depressed, he or she may be too inwardly focused.
- Volunteer at a homeless shelter together, or participate in random acts of kindness (proven effective in increasing mood!). Depressed spouses may find serving others helpful.
- Spend time with puppies, kittens, or go to the zoo – animals touch a unique place in our souls. When someone you love is depressed, try childlike activities for a light touch.
When someone you love is depressed, how can you help yourself?
- Keep your own lifestyle active and healthy.
- Pursue new interests, friends, activities, and experiences. When someone you love is depressed, it may seem selfish to enjoy your life - but it's healthier for you to remain active.
- Find the balance between supporting them and living fully yourself.
- Join a support group, or talk to other people with depressed family members.
- Express your own feelings by writing, painting, drawing – anything that releases your own fears and pain. It's difficult when someone you love is depressed; admit and accept that.
- Hold on to your own self, personality, sense of humor. Strive to stay intact.
- Banish your own sleepiness and sadness. When someone you love is depressed, try to get enough sleep and positive energy in your life.
Remember that you're not responsible for your depressed partner's feelings, actions, or thoughts. You can't make a depressed spouse feel happier, nor did you make them feel depressed in the first place.
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Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen is a full-time writer and blogger in Vancouver, BC, and the creator of the Quips and Tips blog series.
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