Dating relationships, long-term love relationships, and marriages are powerfully affected by the ability of both partners to be authentic and true to themselves. This “love psychology” is supported by a research study that explored the best way to build better romantic relationships.
The Love Psychology Study: Dating, Authenticity, and Romantic Relationships
Amy Brunell, lead author of the study and assistant professor of psychology at Ohio State University's Newark campus, found that being true to oneself is the best way to increase romance in relationships. Her research reveals that college students who reported being more true to themselves also reported more positive dating relationships.
Participating in the study were 62 heterosexual couples, all college students. The participants completed a long list of questionnaires in three separate sessions, which took place about two weeks apart.
The first set of questionnaires probed how true participants were to themselves, a characteristic that psychologists call "dispositional authenticity." This was measured through the responses to statements such as, "For better or for worse, I am aware of who I truly am." In the second phase, participants answered questions examining various aspects of their relationship functioning, including their willingness to discuss their emotions with their partner, and whether they kept secrets. The third phase involved measures of relationship satisfaction and personal well-being.
This study of love psychology found that both men and women who reported being more true to themselves also behaved in more intimate and less destructive ways with their partners. They felt that their love relationship was more positive, and also reported greater feelings of personal well-being.
How Authenticity Improves Romance and Intimacy
"If you're true to yourself,” Brunell says, “it’s easier to act in ways that build intimacy in relationships, and that will make your relationship more fulfilling."
In other words, the more connected lovers are to their own thoughts, opinions, hopes, and dreams, the better able they’ll be to connect to their partners or spouses. If people can’t connect to themselves, then they’re less likely to connect with other people.
Authenticity in love relationships may seem like commonsense, but it can be difficult to reveal one’s true self – especially in a new dating relationship! And, partners with different personalities (such as introverts and extroverts in love) may also be reluctant to be authentic.
According to Brunell, authenticity also means being aware of one’s limitations and attempting to make positive changes. The more connected lovers are with both their strengths and weaknesses, the more intimate and happier their romantic relationships may be.
For a better romantic relationship, read Relationship Psychology: Setting Boundaries in Love
Source:
“For Better Romantic Relationships, Be True to Yourself.” Personality and Individual Differences (April, 2010).
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen is a full-time writer and blogger in Vancouver, BC, and the creator of the Quips and Tips blog series.
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