How Energy Vampires Drain Your Spirit and Soul

11 Ways to Protect Yourself From Negative Influences

Feb 20, 2007
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

: Energy Vampires Drain Spirit and Soul - sxc

Do you feel exhausted after being with certain people? They may be energy vampires, draining your spirit and soul. Protect yourself from negativity in 11 ways.

Energy vampires drain your spirit and soul by depleting your positive energy. Energy vampires, such as drama queens, leave you feeling drained and listless. These 11 ways to protect yourself from negative energy will help!

After a visit with an energy vampire, you barely have enough energy to watch tv - much pursue your goals or take care of your life. The energy vampire's negative influences consume your positive energy.

How Energy Vampires Drain Your Spirit and Soul

Energy vampires drain positive energy in many ways, such as:

Intruding on your life, ignoring boundaries and privacy (energy vampires don't think of you).
Making big deals out of nothing. Energy vampires are often called "drama queens" because they can turn a broken nail into a Shakespearean tragedy.
Complaining constantly about their partners, jobs, children, bad luck, and illnesses. Energy vampires like to vent.
Criticizing your hair, appearance, job, children, partner, friends, and pets (energy vampires aren't positive).
Not taking "no" for an answer. Energy vampires don't consider your needs.
Being unrelentingly negative. Their negative energy is relentless, and energy vampires drain your positive energy by encouraging you to be negative, too.
Blaming everyone else for their problems (energy vampires don't take responsibility).

How Energy Vampires Drain Energy

You know you've spent time with an energy vampire when you leave feeling depressed, exhausted, or sad. Energy vampires drain your positive energy for their own use. Energy vampires leave you feeling empty and sluggish – and to compensate or build positive energy you may eat, drink, shop, or sleep for hours afterwards.

But, there are ways to protect yourself from emotional vampires.

Energy Vampires Need Your Positive Energy

Energy vampires come in all shapes and sizes: loud and aggressive, soft-spoken and shy, charming and seductive, pushy and overbearing. Energy vampires have energy leaks that they need to fill. It's up to you to stop energy vampires from draining your positive energy! Often energy vampires don't even realize they're draining your positive energy.

Energy vampires have often suffered some sort of crisis, whether in childhood or adulthood, and they're compensating to get rid of their negative energy. Energy vampires may not be deliberately, maliciously stealing your positive energy -- but they're definitely not contributing to a fantastic relationship.

Energy Vampires may drain positive energy, but you can learn to stop them!

11 Ways to Protect Yourself From Energy Vampires

Limit the amount of time you spend with energy vampires. The less time you're together, the less positive energy you'll lose.
Learn effective ways to end conversations with energy vampires (eg, I only have ten minutes to talk.")
Stay calm and detached from energy vampires. Don't let their negative energy consume you.
Be honest about your needs (eg, "I need this time to work/read/relax/exercise.")
Refrain from attempting to rescue them or fix an energy vampire's problems.
Practice walking away from energy vampires.; the more you do it, the easier it gets.
Limit eye contact with energy vampires.
Avoid being in close spaces with energy vampires (elevators, cars, etc). Negative energy is catching.
Define and guard your personal space from energy vampires.
Tell energy vampires you feel uncomfortable discussing particular people or circumstances.
Stand up for yourself and your boundaries! Your time, positive energy, and resources are precious and should be closely guarded from energy vampires.

If you found How Energy Vampires Drain Your Spirit and Soul interesting, read:

Laurie Pawlik Kienlen, Psychology Feature Writer, Bruce Kienlen

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen is a full-time writer and blogger in Vancouver, BC, and the creator of the Quips and Tips blog series.

Comments

Jun 2, 2008 11:28 AM

Mary Rayme :

As a clerk in a shop I have a few regular energy vampires. This article is extremely helpful and articulates what I've been trying to put into words. Thank you!

Aug 18, 2008 11:28 AM

Guest :

What do you do if you are married to an energy vampire and they won't let you do the eleven steps or its hell to pay. What if my career is intertwined with hers?

Aug 24, 2008 10:07 AM

Guest :

What if YOU have some of those energy vampire characteristics? Venting may be my problem: could you speak to how to handle...not a broken fingernail, but...workforce reduction at work, wondering why a friend doesn't reciprocate invitations, phone calls...

I get the energy vampire idea, yet how do you sense when your concerns are too much to share with another person? We all have 'an owie' like a job interview went badly, a hit and run driver in the parking lot--what about inviting folks to do something but it never materializes? Are they not friends, then?

Aug 25, 2008 1:01 PM

Guest :

How do you know your not an energy vampire?

Sep 27, 2008 12:11 PM

Guest :

This article was great! I have been sucked back into a friendship with an energy vampire since I was 15. Everytime I cut it off with her, I feel a little guilty. Also, it's like childbirth, after a little while you forget how painful it really was! haha. I know that it is time to move on, and no matter what I do I cannot help her. I will probably feel a little bad since I will see her at school functions, but I need to do this for myself and family.

Sep 28, 2008 8:43 PM

Guest :

What if your spouse is an energy vampire?

Nov 9, 2008 8:31 AM

Guest :

Brilliant article! I have a neighbor who constantly phones asking for assistance with the slightest problem. No matter what you say or how busy you are that phone will ring! It's amazing how she can selectively ignore "I'm very busy right now" or I'm too ill to help you right now". A very accurate list indeed!

Nov 11, 2008 11:34 AM

Guest :

I have an unemployed, angry, bi-polar, ex drug dealer who is addicted to internet conspiracy theory websites and believes global warming and evolution are unproven theories.

He constantly turns all conversations into rants about whatever conspiracy theory can explain TO ME (as if I constantly need explaination) whatever topic I bring up. I could say the sky is blue, he would correct me on the color of the sky then say the sky is blue because there were fewer chemtrails today. Then he would rant on whatever political thing happened today.

I mentioned being glad Obama won and that I finally have a president who looks like me....the discussion in a matter of a minute escelated with him trying to constantly interrupt me before I could say anything to him screaming at me that I am the biggest racist he has ever met. I walked away and said good night; he said good riddance, then wasn't satisfied until he had to send me links to websites that backed up his conspiracy behind obama winning.

I have learned not to say much to him and stay out of the house completely if I don't have to be there. I have spent time at the park reading and meditating; I have felt much MUCH better.

Nov 11, 2008 11:35 AM

Guest :

Nov 12, 2008 5:05 AM

Guest :

This is good, but don't forget about the meaning of the word vampire in this context.
You have been bitten, and thus now have some of the vampire in you,
thus often it's not so easy to just walk away !!
Vampires do feed off you and the truth is they are very needy and dependent.
For some of us, it is our compassion that lets them in, in the first place, often unawares.
It is also our compassion that makes it hard for us to let them go.
Traditional vampire : "remedies" often include a wound to the heart,
and that is what leaving them will do, metaphorically.
And therin lies the dilemma for me, and I am betting for many others..
Bottom line is....Dealing with energy vampires is not for the faint of heart ! By nature we are stronger than them, but as we are bitten they do weaken us.
For me the trick is to do what I need to do to stay stronger and try to get the needy one to find the good that exists in themselves.
Wish I had an easy answer, but i do not.
Sometimes, it does make me wonder if there really is a God !

Nov 19, 2008 6:29 AM

Guest :

Would you consider my spouse an energy vampire? He pouts when he doesn't get what he wants from me. He has health issues but really doesn't try to fix them. Sits around on his off days playing on the computer. Really doesn't seem interested in doing anything with the family (our kids and myself) unless it's something he has planned. More on MY feelings..... I feel tired when he's around. When he's at home and I'm away, the closer I get to home, the more tired I feel. Dreading being there even. The house seems so much more happy when he's not at home sitting in his chair. There's more, but that's the general idea. What do you think?
Thanks!

Dec 1, 2008 9:57 AM

Guest :

This is a new concept to me, but very fasinating. I'm wondering if some energy vampires get energy by manipulating doctors for the purpose of attention and obtaining RX pain drugs, as in facticious disorders? I know someone who is constantly complaining about her health, but the medical field can't find a thing wrong with her, but still she persists. She manipulates her family, her husband, her friends, etc to do whatever she wants. I feel drained every time I'm around her, her children have behavioral problems and are extremely neglected and her husband is in denial. The topic is always about her, her problems, her family, her health, her everything. And her anything is always better than anyone elses. She is a master manipulator. Could this be an energy vampire?

Dec 1, 2008 8:00 PM

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :

That's an interesting question, but I think the health version of this is more like Munchausen Syndrome. That's when people fake illness in themselves and their kids, to get attention from doctors. It must be incredibly draining to be around people like that, too (similar to energy vampires).

Dec 5, 2008 8:25 AM

Guest :

Good article! It describes my "best friend" in every way! I tried cutting her out of my life but she contacted me after a year or two and I "forgot" or thought she changed. Here I am back in the same spot, and I'm her only friend because she has pushed everyone else away (and she always lets me know how alone she is in the world). It's gotten to the point where I avoid her calls because they always turn into 40 minute (minimum) vent fests, and don't invite her out with friends because she alienates me from them by sticking to me like glue and refuses to look at my other friends or talk to them or ANYTHING. Ugh!

Dec 17, 2008 6:42 AM

Guest :

What is one to do if they are married to an energy vampire?

Dec 19, 2008 7:05 PM

Guest :

I have a friend who told me he was an energy vampire. I really do not know if he was trying to drain me or not. At the time I was his Boss. We were at the same place of work for approximately 7 years. We started of at the same levele then I became a manger. He is a very smart person. We were more like friends. I left the work place and he later got to be the manger of the group home we were at. We talked from time to time on the phone. He would say things to like why do things have to be this way and not this way. This when we were working together. I told him as manger you only had a limited amount of power as manger and he would not understand it. I told him it was not worth the rise you get. All the red tape and very strict rules at the corp. where we worked. I told him and others he would last about 6 mos as manger. I was correct after 6 mo he went back where he started. We set up to go to the movies and I had to clx. Since then he will not e-mail me after I e-mail him. I guess he did not like that I controled on that day what or what not we did. I think he was planing to try and drain me and I felt it and called off the movies. It seems he does not want anything to do with me now. He knows he can not drain me. You bet if I run in to him I will tell him he can not drain me I will not let it be. Sorry this is so long a comment. As the 11 say stand your ground. There is not a ev that can drain me now with the 11. GUEST T

Dec 20, 2008 7:06 PM

Guest :

lord gosh thank you i really needed this. It describes a girl i no! i cant ever say no to her or any thing and she will try to spend as much time as posible whith me when im in a good mood. odd. . . .

Jan 1, 2009 8:53 AM

Guest :

all well and good, but what if you're married to one? reading this explained a lot to me. now I know why I feel 'empty' all the time.

Jan 4, 2009 6:11 PM

Guest :

me and my friend are energy vampires and i feel offended cuz some of that stuff is a lie!

Jan 11, 2009 8:14 PM

Guest :

I was unfortunate to have a boss who was a spirit vampire. I almost didn't get out alive. I couldn't understand what was happening. At first I felt down and weak after I was around her. Then she moved in to harm me by fabricating a lie about my job performance. I was devastated. Then I became sick and she threatened to fire me, thank goodnes for FMLA. I recovered, discovered that she was a spirit vampire and learned to block her negative moves against me. I prayed a lot and I have survived and she has left the job. This is serious stuff. I heard that she has been unable to find another job and has taken early retirement.

Jan 21, 2009 7:46 AM

Guest :

I have a question. What if the energy vampire is your adult child, who lives in another state? I am a single mom and quite frankly, I am exhausted from the phone calls, confrontations, putdowns from this 32 year old.

I have decided that this year, 2009, I will limit the time I am with him. I love being a parent but I am worn out. Any other suggestions? Thank you.

Jan 23, 2009 7:01 AM

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :

That's a tough situation -- when the energy vampire is your own child.

I think the above ways to stop an energy vampire from draining your spirit are still valid.....they're just harder to implement with your own son. The most important thing is to give yourself regular breaks from him. It's good that he lives in a different state because those regular breaks are built right into your lifestyle, as opposed to you having to enforce them.

I'd also suggest not answering the phone each time he calls, and calling him when you feel positive and energetic. Also, set time limits on your phone calls. And, after you get off the phone, do something positive that gives you joy -- whether it's a funny tv show, yoga, or talking to your best friend!

Wishing you the best,
Laurie

Jan 24, 2009 5:23 AM

Guest :

I am a massage therapist, and BOY do you know what you are talking about! I have simply put my hands on people and felt nauseous - they can pull energy that fast! Your tips are really good - if you will allow me to share another one - imagine yourself surrounded by a bubble of light - your favorite color for the day. I give mine properties of osmosis-love and high vibrations can penetrate it, but low vibrational energy cannot, and no one can hook siphons into it! It really helps me set an emotional and psychological boundary when a physical boundary is not possible. I also do an affirmation, like 'may love come in and all else flee' or something similar. Hope this is helpful to someone..

Feb 4, 2009 2:46 PM

Guest :

Seriously, this article made my day. I have a friend of 18 years that has remained a friend because our spouses are very close. Because they are divorcing, the friendship is falling apart. I have had a lot of guilt, but don't miss her in my life. This article described her to a T! Thanks.

Feb 11, 2009 4:43 PM

Guest :

but how can we HELP a vampire? how can they change?

Feb 12, 2009 6:57 AM

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :

I think the only way to help an energy vampire is to be honest. Tell them that the reason you're limiting your time spent with them is because you feel drained and empty afterwards. Be specific about how they drain your energy -- do they complain too much or criticize you? Do they constantly talk about themselves.

You can't change anybody, but you can share you feel when you're with them.

Feb 18, 2009 6:44 AM

Guest :

Listen, this is true, but not all energy vampires take energy unwillingly. I for one, am a energy vampire. I do not suck the energy out of one person making them feel drained. I will get a few doners, maybe 4 or 5 people and drain of just enough energy to where they will feel fine afterwards. Though, not all energy vampires have morals, I do, and there are many other who do as well.

You also forget to mention that some people do it UNINTENTIONALLY. Yes,some of them don't know what they are doing. That doesn't make them evil people. I do suggest staying away from energy vampires most of the time, beacause some of them only care about getting the high off of your energy. You can't always avoid my kind though. Alot of energy vampires hang out in public places such as malls.

This article also fails to mention that you can erect mental sheilds to block a vampires energy draining. I myself erect mental sheilds as energy vampires can feed on eachother.

Feb 21, 2009 5:50 AM

Guest :

gosh. i find my housemate to be an energy vampire at times. it's not unending - as in, it's really easy to tell when he's looking after himself and doing 'the right thing'. but when he's not, it's difficult to even hear his name, knowing what i have to share living space with! his neuroses are like a swirling black hole and it's hard not to get sucked into it, even without engaging directly.

he's moving out soon, which i think will help both of us. having a source to drain from only keeps a vampire draining. i'm so so so looking forward to only seeing him in measured doses, AWAY from my place of rest. my instincts tell me it'll help the friendship recover from it's already strained state.

good luck to everyone dealing with a vampire. it pretty much sucks. :(

Feb 22, 2009 12:49 PM

Guest :

I make big deals out of nothing, in fact a lot of the points displayed sound like me. Also when I'm around certain people I get really energetic and it's as if I'm hyper constantly around them. How can you tell if your an energy vampire?? I don't want to harm my friends, please reply.

Feb 22, 2009 3:17 PM

Guest :

does any1 think it is possible for an energy vampire to make somebody ill? ie} a vunerable person who cares alot about the vampire without knowing what they are. because i have witnessed an elderly person more or less losing their mind and almost dieing inside after spending alot of time around such a person but the seeming to improve when a distance was put between them. the person being drained showed changes in their eyes especially. they looked almost as if they had cataract, their eyes were cloudy and dead. they had already developed dementia but it seemed to worsen with contact and improve with prolonged periods of no contact. would love some feed back off any one who knows enough to comment. my web name is e@rlyemp@th if any1 replies

Mar 3, 2009 12:06 PM

Guest :

wow, a large variety of situations to consider....Remember that you are a Soul.. wrap yourself in unconditional love, which is the highest vibration possible. Be all love and it will shield you from a tonne of negative energy... this has proven true for me. I wish you each all the love in your lives... to be a shield from these energy vampires.. to be aware is step number one

Mar 4, 2009 10:25 PM

Guest :

Hi, I am wondering it says above these energy vamqires have energy leaks, and so they need to fill these leaks..How can they fix these energy leaks, and does everyone have these energy leaks?? Do they have some sort of bad sqirit in them? What exactly causes these energy leaks? Thank you, great information...

Mar 5, 2009 7:16 AM

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :

Great questions! One is answered in the article above: a possible cause of leakage in energy vampires is some sort of crisis (the article explains it a little more). I'd expect a different cause for different people, because we're motivated by different things.

To fix energy leaks, it helps to know that you're an energy vampire! That is, most energy vampires don't know they're absorbing other people's positive energy and leaving no or negative energy in place. I don't know what would happen if you told an energy vampire what was happening -- but I suspect he or she would have to be incredibly insightful and self-aware to accept the info and try to change!

I don't know anothing about bad spirits, but I do know each person is different and every culture has different beliefs. This affects what you believe about energy vampires.

It is fascinating, isn't it?

Thanks for your questions -- sorry I don't have all the answers!

Laurie

Mar 9, 2009 1:12 AM

Guest :

Thank you so much. I've been hounded by one particular energy Vampire... today was another one of those days and I've been fighting the urge to just bury myself in bed since 8pm. One little conversation ruined a fantastic weekend of feeling upbeat! Unfortunately I fell into that little trap of listening and trying to save the energy vampire from their little woes. Gotta stop that! Unfortunately I feel bad cutting them out of my life, and I can't avoid them completely because we work together on projects.
I've been told to wear a crystal when I'm around this person. Have you heard of that technique?

Mar 9, 2009 5:13 AM

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :

Wearing a crystal to ward off energy vampires vaguely rings a bell, but I don't know anything about it. But maybe I'm thinking of garlic and the other type of vampires!

It can't hurt, at any rate - crystals are gorgeous items, and if they make you feel strong and energetic, then they might help. But your best bet for coping with an energy vampire that drains your spirit is to learn how to deal with him or her in practical ways, as described above.

Mar 17, 2009 2:44 PM

Guest :

wow I actually knew an energy vampire -two of them - and though they said they were friends , they were'nt because one of them was so manipulative and everytime I was hanging around her in 7th grade and 8th grade . It was not worthwile .I can see the person that they are not to be hung around with .When people like them make friends with you , you try to end the friendship . i'm glad I know how to end a friendship without parental approval.

Mar 24, 2009 1:43 PM

Guest :

I agree with most of the ways to protect your energy. Avoid being in close places? Limit eye contact? Energy vampires like to vent? I think people take this in different ways.

I live in Atlanta, and socializing has changed. People need the ability to distinguish between an Energy vampire and a person that is genuine/truthful. There are alot of people who walk around looking at the ground or straight out ignoring people. If a person greets them then they turn their haed away quickly. I guess the answer is to ignore to protect yourself. Venting. Should we bottle everything up inside and not express ourselves?

Everyone should vent at sometime, it depends on why, who you are venting to and about what. Avoid close spaces? So now people have a reason to avoid others for really no reason. Personally I want discernment on all things. Some people may really need help or assistence on some things. i don't shy away from making eyecontact. I just deflect anything negative. I think most people really miss out on things because they judge All people and situations the same. We need to be stronger not at the mercy of energy thieves.

Apr 10, 2009 10:02 AM

Guest :

Can you help a person that is depressed? Or do you just avoid them?
Vivian

Apr 11, 2009 5:55 AM

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :

Whether you avoid someone who is depressed or try to help them depends on your relationship with them! I think depression is different than being an "energy vampire" - but a person could certainly struggle with both at the same time.

Here's an article on helping someone with depression http://psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/when_depression_hits_your_family (cut and paste into your browser).

Remember, you can't cure someone's depression -- you can only be there for them. People who are depressed need support, but they also need to go to the doctor, consider talk therapy....in other words, they have to take action to deal with their depression.

Is the person you're thinking about both depressed AND an energy vampire?

Laurie

Apr 22, 2009 4:58 PM

Guest :

I am religious and never believed all this mumbo.. but Ive run into a mathamatician and healing accupuncturist who told me I was a vampire of energy with no energy of my own and I crave and steal the energy of people around me and mainly the two people I am around most(my husband and sis). I find it very interesting b/c I am very loud,funny,never nervous about people or situations and take anything on. I'm the person ready to lead others, I ALWAYS set the mood and tone of conversation and will and usually do approach anyone with anything on my mind. I once though I was just a people person...LOL.. but after reading the article above me I realized I am the life of the party around others and have so much energy but when alone, I am calm, content and not only have no energy (good or bad feelings or vibes) but I really dont care about anything. I do ALL those things above as well, and I always noticed how I drained people. As somber as this all sounds my reading also said I have always and will always continue to get Money and the things I want in life very easily, I am very bossy but it is a smoke screen for my big heart, which the reader said he's never seen before. Anyways, so long story short what am I to do? I dont want to be a bossy bitch and chew everyone out everyday. I'm tired of the endless arguments with my husband and sis that I always start over nothing and will never take no for an answer. I always thought I had anger managment problems but I swear to you I am the nicest person you will ever meet UNTIL you either screw me over or not on the same page I am. It's hard reflecting on yourself like this but I dont want to be like this.. I'm 26 and just a year ago stepped out of my confort zone and REALIZED what I was doing. If anyone has any helpful info for me please contact me, I am eager to learn where I can get my energy fix without taking so much out of the people I love.

Apr 24, 2009 1:58 AM

Guest :

hello.evry persn i met in my life hav som sort of vampirism with thm.all human beings r dffrnt nd so their aura nd their enrgy fields also varies.enrgy vampirism can b cured.4 that he shud b in contact with places wher he wil get sufficient pranic enrgy.

May 15, 2009 4:45 PM

Guest :

I know a 5 year old energy vampire. How do I stay away from her? she makes me play with her all the time and makes me soo exhausted. I'm glad that I know now because I have done some reasearch and she fits most of the "expectations." She isn't happy with herself and she thinks everyone hates her. I know it's wrong to fall for it. She's a dang good actor though...

May 16, 2009 5:38 AM

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :

I assume the five year old energy vampire is your own child? Yes, that makes it really hard to stay away from her!

Some of the ways to stop an energy vampire from draining your spirit still apply -- but they're more difficult to implement with your own daughter.

I'll write an article about this, since two people have asked, and will post it soon!

Thanks for your question,
Laurie

May 16, 2009 6:45 AM

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :

I've written an article about coping with kids who drain your energy -- it's in the list of articles at the end of this post about how energy vampires drain your spirit.

May 29, 2009 7:24 PM

Guest :

To the person who "has" the unemployed angry "bipolar" drug dealer..that is not an energy vampire, those are hallmark characteristics of bipolar disorder. Redundancy reigns.

Jun 16, 2009 4:39 AM

Guest :

My wife is an energy vampire. We have only been married 6 years but she has aged me 20 years.

Jun 22, 2009 9:43 AM

Guest :

As someone who is a Vampyer I find this article partially true. The instances that are described above are done by people that either 1)Do not understand what they are doing, so this is coming out naturally. or 2) They do not care and are being unethical in there needs.
The 11 steps above are a good set of guidelines to follow with deal with Vampyers that are specifically feeding off of negative energy.
But realize that very few Vampyers feed this way. Many that I know feed of joyous emotions such that are felt at Weddings, Concerts, and Birthday parties. So please do not judge all of us from the few that either don't know another way or those that choose to be unethical in the way the carry themselves.
Knight

Jun 29, 2009 10:48 PM

Guest :

Yea...one flaw in all of it...you could possibly be dating or married to one,what are you gonna do then,you can't just back off from them,especially if you care for them.
But other than that it's good.

Jul 12, 2009 7:37 AM

Guest :

I moved across the country to be around my sister and her family. After arriving and a month or so of being here, I found myself increasingly negative and a mere shadow of the person I used to be. I finally figured out that being around her, I felt drained, argumentative (b/c yelling is about the only way she communicates), and depressed. I began not spending time with her and her family and within a month or so, I became me again. I'm now moving back home and I feel like my old self. The tips in this article are good, and they are effective, I do put up boundaries, ending phone calls (which are tense!) with things like, "Well, think about it and give me a call back," and that's it. Even if it's family, you don't have to let them totally into your life, no one is worth it!

Jul 24, 2009 11:33 AM

Guest :

The only way an energy vampire can steal your energy is for your vibration to be insink with their negative vibration. This means they must trick you into lowering your vibration to theres before they can feast. The lower your spirit vibrates , the easier it is for energy vampires to strike. If you just stay positive they cant steal. Remember this: Nothing can enter you spiritual being that isnt a match of YOUR frequency. Master the art of zoning out/not listening when someone is negative. How many times has someone accused you of not listening? Maybe now you know why you didnt.

Jul 28, 2009 12:00 AM

Guest :

im in love with my husband an he is one he dont afect me yeah i feel tired at times but that natral sleepy feelings

Aug 8, 2009 3:09 PM

Guest :

The parent to child conflict has been addressed, however, what if it is from the child's view? I'm 18, my mother is an alcoholic and I've tried time and time again to reason with her. She is very persistent and is constantly complaining about how horrible her life is, yet she never takes the blame and she is never willing to let herself be happy. You try to walk away from her and she puts you on a guilt trip or gets angry with you. Some nights I dread coming home and I fear it's getting worse. What should I do?

Aug 9, 2009 6:42 AM

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :

You can't reason with an addict or alcoholic, my friend. The only way to cope with your mom is to move out. You need to create distance between you and her, and it's really difficult to do that when you're living in the same place -- no matter how big it is!

And, you need to practice ways of dealing with your feelings of guilt. You and she are caught in an unhealthy cycle, and you need to be strong to get out of it!

To help, I wrote a short post called "How Do I Cope With Toxic Parents?" on my Psychology blog, and gave you more detailed suggestions there. Here, I can't include links to relevant articles.

To get there, just click on my name in blue at the top of this page, then click on "Read Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen's blog" on the right side. Scroll down to "How Do I Cope With Toxic Parents?" You can also find it in the August, 2009 list on the side panel.

I hope to see you there, and I wish you all the best!

Laurie

Aug 16, 2009 2:50 PM

Guest :

Hi.
I am very glad that I read this article.
I have been a classmate with an energy vampire for 5 years and now we are going to be colleagues in University! I am almost devastated, because that means I will be seeing this person again for a couple of years :( The thing is that I am an empath and it is even worse for me. That person really drains me. The problem is that I can't ignore his energy. The only salvation is not to be around him... but now, as we are colleagues, what can I do? :(((((

Aug 16, 2009 3:51 PM

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :

That's a great question. I'm just now working on an article about coping with colleagues who are energy vampires, and will post it in two days (this Tuesday). I'll post a note here, letting you know when it's up!

Aug 16, 2009 4:19 PM

Guest :

Thank you very much, Laurie. I will be expecting the article! :) (it's the person with the latest entry) :)
PS: I know that in University is different than in class- there you can choose more freely who to spend your time with (in the lectures there are too many people to focus only on the most negative one (in that case, my ex-classmate and future colleague). But the fact is one- he is draining and his eyes are a sole reason to feel repressed. Somehow, when I am around him, I feel my complete opposite- I am acting illogically, and I cannot be natural. Always scrutinizing my own words, always being careful what to say (because he loves to be ironical to everything I do and say).

Aug 18, 2009 8:44 AM

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :

Hello, my friends,

I wrote an article called "Coping With Negative Coworkers Who Drain Your Spirit" on my See Jane Soar website. Just Google "See Jane Soar"; it's currently the most recent article. I can't post the link here, and thought it'd be better suited there than here on Suite.

If you're reading this article after August 21, then just copy and paste the title of the article in Google. It'll pop right up! :-)

Laurie

Sep 6, 2009 9:14 AM

Guest :

This is a disgrace Energy Vampires have no relation to this article, these are drama queens or whining brats who you speak of. Do some more research before you use the term energy vampire loosely. Anyone who reads this article. i reccomend you also do some research into psi-vampirism and sanguine vampirism before taking this bull at face value. I am Psi-vampire and im a positive person, i just need a little more energy to survive. Look it up yourself at sanguinarius.org and stop labeling us without adequete knowledge

Sep 8, 2009 12:40 PM

Guest :

what do you do when a person you consider a daughter and love deeply...drains you?

Sep 9, 2009 7:47 PM

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :

Hi,

I actually wrote an article called “Tips for Coping With Children Who Are Energy Vampires” on my Quips & Tips for Achieving Your Goals blog. To read it, just copy and paste that article title into Google; it should appear at the top of the search results. I can’t post links here.

As you’re learning, you can love someone dearly and still be drained by her! The key is to limit the amount of time you spend with her, and be strategic about how and when you spend time with her. For instance, don’t go for lunch if you have a heavy afternoon at work or if you’re feeling physically ill. Consider breaking up your visit by inviting someone else along for part of it – such as for dessert and coffee after dinner together.

She is who she is, and you are who you are…and the best way to love her is to accept her the way she is. This doesn’t mean you have to spend lots of time with her! In fact, you might act more lovingly towards her and think more positively about her if you limit your time together.

I hope this helps a little, and encourage you to read the article about children and energy vampires.

Best wishes,
Laurie

Sep 16, 2009 10:08 AM

Guest :

Hey guys, are there any charms or any items to protect u from them, coz i think my teacher is one, she is old, adn i have more boreing teachers than her and it feels like i wanna die or go to sleep, she keeps smileing. Can anyone help me ?

Oct 10, 2009 4:26 AM

Guest :

great article,

can you say please, that in practical terms these people are simply; selfish, negative personas that want to make you low by manipulating, because of jelousy.

txs

Oct 13, 2009 6:54 PM

Guest :

Wow, this is so on the ball. There is a woman whom I briefly became involved with. We both train at the same gym. After being busy for a few weeks with work and training for a competition, she tried to force a conversation by physically blocking the exit from the shower area with her arms and body (she was clothed, I only had a towel). I also feel like she stole a friend from me by spending as much time as possible with her (even though this lady is a social butterfly and claims she has so many friends whom she went to college with - maybe they just don't want to hang out with her because she's crazy).

My only question is, how do you make energy vampires go away? The place where I train is my home away from home and they are my extended family (I've been there 4 years, she's only been there one year). Every time she's at the gym, her crappy energy permeates the entire place. Even other people noticed that her crappy energy poisoned the atmosphere the very first time they had to work with her in a sparring class. Ugh.

Oct 14, 2009 9:19 PM

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :

Hi,

I’m sorry to hear how this woman’s negative energy is affecting your life! It can be difficult to deal with people like that, especially if you’re in regular contact that you can’t seem to avoid.

Unfortunately, I don’t have any suggestions for making energy vampires go away…I think your best bet is to learn how to cope with the negative effects of being around her. Or, you could consider training at a different gym, which is too bad because you’ve been there longer.

Another possibility is changing your workout time so you see her less, or for shorter periods of time.

Sorry I can’t be more helpful!

Best wishes,
Laurie

Oct 17, 2009 8:11 PM

Guest :

Like can humans drain energy too??Can you drain your energy back from the vampire that took it from you??

Oct 19, 2009 3:11 AM

Guest :

seriously... energy vampires?
this is a handy idea you got there. trying to imply that people who feel empty and sad after a conversation because they have been drained by some kind of emotional-vacuum cleaner.

Mrs Pawlik-Kienlen, have you never taken advantage of a relationship to vent your anger, issues and so on?

The vampire thing is just one of the many symbols of our true nature. Most of the time we just care about ourselves and we dramatize. We all do that. The world's a stage, as some playwright said, and we're all actors in it. People who don't do that, people who can't do that, are autistic and sick and unhappy. We all act out our impulses and habits. This is life. People have always acted the way they should. Religion took care of that.

People who are drained are either unable to perceive it, or are just waiting for something to happen. Love, recognition, I don't know. But this energy vampire thing is like, you're blaming a very human attention disorder as a source for all the problems in our life : OTHER PEOPLE ! In fact this disorder, this desire to be loved and admired and listened, is a symptom of a sick society imprinting its vices and faults thru drama TV and over-simplification such as your articles.

Don't get me wrong, I do think there are energy vampires.
Actually I think there are about 6 BILLIONS of them on this planet. And counting. Saying some of us are drained is simply overlooking the fact that we all go through this sort of phase. Some of us think the solution is to keep "draining" people to feel better, but in the long run, unless they are really blind to their own thoughts, they have to turn to another way to see their issues through.

You want to deal with energy vampires, good, then admit you're one yourself. Me, when I take, I give. I listen. Because I know how good it feels to vent and then give something back. This is just a matter of education. Educate people to drain AND give, and that'll be it. People don't care anymore because we're born inside a cocoon of false hope and false happiness. There doesn't seem to be anything to care for, nothing seems to be true and you can't seem to really trust anyone. This is why they need attention. This is why we grab it when they can : because we're predatory animals, you see, there's no big conspiration, people are just corrupted by the way they live.

So we just grab what we can until something, anything happens.

That'll be all!

Oct 31, 2009 11:11 AM

Guest :

I love this article. I am currently living with a 20 year old drama queen to the max. She purposefuly got herself pregnant and is now using that as her main drainage source. She is 7 weeks and has already quit going to work, she claims she has bad morning sickness but I have found her numerous times gagging herself to make herself throw up. She does not do anything in the house at all. and best of all.....her dad is the landlord and he keeps saying he is goin to kick her out but it hasnt happened yet. This girl is insane and will do anything to get some attention, its rather scary. With this article I have began to just completely ignore that she exists in my household and hopefully she will move out soon or I will! thanks for posting this!!

Jul 15, 2010 1:29 PM

Guest :

I currently have a friend who is an energy vampire. I have been giving myself space from her lately, because I just don't have the energy to deal right now. I used to feel bad for her, but honestly, her problems are the result of her own (in)actions. Remember: You have the right to be healthier than those around you!

- Raven

Jul 24, 2010 4:01 PM

Guest :

Vampires are real, they are MASTERS of *MIND GAMES* identify them early and avoid them, or you will whined up eating spiders, remember what Count Dracula did to Renfield? He drove him insane.

Aug 13, 2010 3:26 PM

Guest :

I think this article was amazing. I have a very strong spiritual practice but recently ran into someown who I had a feeling was bit of an energy drainer. The truth is he was exactly what I thought he was. When I confronted him and told him women are drained by him as I was, he didn;t deny it. He just threw up his hands and said whatever. The most telling sign was he told me a story about a girl he dated and he drained the living daylights out of her. "She did everything for him in the relationship and it wasn't enough"- his words!!!! So people please don't feel bad for these negative people. They don't care. After I told this guy a friendship wouldn't work because he won't accept any responsibility as a 51 year old man and he just abuses people. he said "Ok, I'll move on to the next one." See- they don't care. So avoid them every chance you get. This guy doesnt want to change.
I exited stage left. No thanks!

Aug 16, 2010 8:03 AM

Guest :

Energy vampires? I never heard of such thing and I can't understand why are the comments all positive about this. I mean, those things don't exist. I'ts like ghosts, black magic, blood vampires, poltergeists, have you ever seen any of those? I've never seen.
And you say they drain our energy!? Come on people, this is not dragon ball we're talking about, it's real life.

Aug 16, 2010 1:09 PM

Guest :

My husband has recently done work for an 'energy vampire', he is such a chilled out kind of guy but during the past few weeks he has been so stressed. I showed him this article and he was like wow...that is who I have been working for. Energy vampires are dangerous people...but great to now have a name to put to these people. Great article. Just twittered it!

Aug 19, 2010 2:57 PM

Guest :

Love the article but I sensed a definite SEO language in the repetition of the phrase "energy vampires" throughout the text (as someone who does SEO myself); at times it felt a little distracting from the interesting tips at times.

Otherwise very useful and I thank you for putting it out there! I will follow your suggestions.

Sep 3, 2010 9:37 AM

Guest :

The Article is great and to the guest who says that "Energy Vampires" don't exist I can only say you must be a very lucky person who hasn't encountered them or is not aware. Unfortunately I am living with one of those people who have a very negative energy field and constantly take my energy. He doesn't do it on purpose but isn't as far as to deal with it himself... which leaves me in the position where I have to try to find ways of how to protect myself without giving up on my relationship. Even so the article is great I wish there was more details when one is in a situation where walking away is not an option. Any ideas please let me know as I am really struggling with this.

Sep 8, 2010 12:30 PM

Guest :

Very good , my dear friend thinks he is a spiritual healer however in fact he is an energy vampire and is attracted to other energy vampirer's as he thinks he can help them but infact he is needy and is a vamp.I really like them but i dont want to hurt their feelings but being with them is so draining.

Sep 14, 2010 4:27 PM

Guest :

what do i do if my child is an energy vampire. she's 12.

Oct 8, 2010 8:52 PM

Guest :

what if the EV is in denial and upset about the "accusation"? do i still go threw the steps even if its draining them.

Oct 9, 2010 2:06 PM

Guest :

I do Reiki energy healings, and since I have been initiated, I have a very difficult time being around some people because they are energy vampires and drain all my energy. However, I have found out that wearing a Black Tourmaline pendant is absolutely wonderful for protecting myself. Most of my family and my friends now wear these pendants, and feel so much better.

Oct 26, 2010 7:44 AM

Guest :

Really bad Energy Vampires are actually Sociopaths and Sadistic Histronics, Energy Vampire is a new age term and 99.9% of new age thought is devoid of pyschological truth. A fuzzy term like Energy Vampire actually understates how sick and perverted these toxic individuals really are.

Oct 28, 2010 11:02 AM

Guest :

Thanks so much for this article!
I recently re-united with a friend of mine after a year of departure due to betrayal in so many ways. As he is slowly trying to get back into my life,after numerous attempts on my part to say I no longer wanted this toxic relationship. Yes, I caved in and met with him, the love is still there and very hard to leave.
He kept re-iterating that he, "loved my new energy & my life force in my house."
I mentioned to him it took me two years to find that energy back that was taken from him.
He of course chuckled, but states that he isn't like that. In just those few words, I realized my friend, was a the one sucking the energy from me, leaving my numb for a whole year.
It never really dawned on me that that was the case.
When they say love is blind, it truly is. You never see the big picture.. But, the blessings here is that its never too late.

Nov 19, 2010 2:20 AM

Guest :

Thank You! I understand how energy vampires work. I am sitting in the same office with one, only she and I am. I wanted to move to another room but my boss does not understand me why - he think I am the bad persom couse I dont accept the other one. Hard situation... :)

Nov 29, 2010 8:18 AM

Guest :

Great article. I recently found out two things:
First, that one that one of my workmates is one of them! She even does not know about it! And spending almost an hour daily with her in the car, was such terrible! So I decided to take a taxi instead of travelling with her :) It may be more expensive but my energy will increase, so I choose my energy
Secondly, that a friend of mine is also one of them! On Saturday after spending the whole afternoon with her, I realized about it! And once more, she doesn't know about it, but me yes!. Thanks and good luck to all of you!

Dec 7, 2010 10:15 PM

Guest :

We are all energy vampires...What people must learn to do is balance out the energy within us and around us.

Order and balance is the key.

Dec 10, 2010 6:58 AM

Guest :

Thanks for this. I think the most universal defining factor of how to spot an energy vampire would be the levels of negativity that the person holds. Virtualy all vampires I have been in contact with have been the most ultimate negative personas that I have ever encountered. Worth keeping in mind!

Dec 10, 2010 8:25 AM

Guest :

Jan 3, 2011 4:34 AM

Guest :

I think my cat is energy vampire. It keeps stealing all my energy and I cant find where she is hidingh it.

Jan 3, 2011 6:52 AM

Guest :

I can relate to this I have felt this from verious people and come to realize that I got the vampiric diease lol.I need to feed on your positive energy so I can manipulate you and dominate you but I only want to love you;)

Jan 3, 2011 3:54 PM

Guest :

The best thing to do is stay as far away as you can from vampires

Jan 20, 2011 5:54 PM

Guest :

Just reading some of the comment, i will pass on my understanding from experiance my thoughts.
I have found there are different levels of energy takers. some worse than others and some more easy to cut off than others. It is not okay for anybody to live off your energy, in order to live freely and easy in this reality we must contain ourselves in our own energy and our own energy only, the energy takers or energy vampires that dont actually know they are doing are quite easy to notice and cut off you, thus the information on this article suggests when you know what you are looking for and basically how to identify the drama, but some actually know what they are doing, these ones are very hard to find, they are cunning and usually use others energy to create what i call a "lure" . A fake bubble of energy around them that attracts you to them and lures you in. either on the ethric or subconsciously or pysically. My experiance of this has been with females (as i am a male) a beautiful girl walks on by and i turn my head, my head feels like it is more pulled rather im looking because im interested. In these cases i would have done a set up to cut this person off me and garantee you look back at her and her lure will be gone, and then you can see the true being she is with out the lure. This is only one method energy takers use.
The only way to find these ones are to follow your or anothers Higher Self instructions to find and identify these problem energy takers and get the true information on what you need to do to get these people out of your reality.
Energy drain is one of the main reason for physical mental and emotional disharmony. I you have a saw arm you should be asking who that is, if you feel stressed or emotional that will be serve energy drain and you must idetify and cut that person off. Why do you think you feel good after a spa or a swim, because the water has cut all the lines off you, but then its only a matter of time before the lines get back in..

Hmm well this is really just the tip of the iceburg.

If you want more information on this subject do contact us.
livingspontaneously@hotmail.com
www.livingspontaneously.com

cam

hope this helps anyone

Feb 1, 2011 3:27 PM

Guest :

Fine but what do you do if you are married to an energy vampire?

Feb 3, 2011 9:46 AM

Guest :

Amen. Energy Vampires are the worst. I am a very positive, upbeat, and
happy person. Hooked up with a vampire and within a matter of a couple of
months - I was depressed, unhappy, hopeless, and extremely frustrated. He
withheld affection - made no time for me - his job was everything to him, working
16 hrs a day = 7 days a week. Wasn't working for me or paying MY bills so he couldn't use that as an excuse that he was working for US. Nope. I cut him loose - along with his
massive debt - huge ego - and self centered attitude. Should have cut him loose before it started. If you are NOT HAPPY.... RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feb 13, 2011 1:03 PM

Guest :

The author seems to have described 100% of the population. I'd better move to an uninhabited island. )))

Feb 22, 2011 7:30 AM

Guest :

The Holy Spirits sets up something sort of like a force field that blocks all attacks even when you are engaging or near energy vampires. Once you receive salvation and the gift of the Holy Spirit there is no demon, power, principality or vampire that can effect you when you have BECOME strong in Spirit. It takes perserverance to reach this. After you have reached the unshakable level of faith, energy vampires will not want to be around or near you. But get this, this is important, once you are lead away by YOUR OWN desires to attempt to experience or touch a particular thing that is not healthy for you, you have fallen, and if this vampire or thing is stronger than you, it can drain you until spiritual death, thus leaving you a zombie. This is why its so important to assess your weaknesses and keep them subservient to your Spirit and will, or better yet, try to extinguish or kill your weaknesses if you can.

The gift is this, once you have grounded your faith, nothing will eb able to stop you and you will be given the power to inspire all of those you even think about. This must all be positive. Go to the Christ its for your own good.

Mar 2, 2011 4:15 AM

Guest :

At least 50% of the worlds population are energy vampires. It comes from not having a connection to the "light" or your inner power or your higher soul. It can also be caused by lower negative and/or dark entities attached to the energy body. It can also be caused by soul loss (look into soul retrieval) or a combination of soul loss and negative lower level entities. Lower level Entities attach to the energy body from a loss of soul pieces and some darker entities block humans from there higher soul. It can be a complex issue that is deeper than just being a negative person that drains other people. This is one of the most misunderstood subjects in the new age or healing community because alot of people just say they are negative or have energy leaks. Its much more deeper than that.

Mar 25, 2011 4:56 PM

Guest :

This is so true!
I have always been spiritual all my life. A great connection to the universe and the universal God I have always known that God is energy and energy can be absorb and utilize to heal self or others. However, knowing this process of life I ask the universal God for a special woman in my life and she came four months later (laws of Attraction). The only problem was she appeared to be sweet and innocent the first five years once she got to know the real me. After, that she became sour and very wicked. All of my powers of positivity slowly faded as she became more confident in herself. I have always been a person that could read others but because she was my love I was easily fooled. Once, she drained me completely of my dreams and inspirations for about three years, she no longer had use for me and left me. I wanted her back in my life because I thought she completed me, but in reality sense she's been gone I realize I complete myself and my powers of energy are slowly increasing again. Thank you for this post because it is true. There are a class of people that are parasites and they drain positive people of their mindset and good energy. The vampires are cruel.

Mar 27, 2011 6:33 PM

Guest :

Ex-girlfriend is this. When I try to walk away, or limit my contact with her in any way, she calls me a coward! They don't understand what they're doing, but it's true that you can't help them. It's very sad.

Apr 18, 2011 5:26 AM

Guest :

I have run into a few of these type of folks, who can drain you just by being physically close. I notice I have a feeling of not being able to catch my breath, my thoughts scatter, and I get a "pins and needles" sort of feeling when in their proximity. I agree - limit eye contact! Also, I cover my heart, by crossing my arms, and also turn so I am not facing them. If they are as powerful as I just described, I also limit my time to what I can handle. Immediately after, I pray to remove anything foreign, and asked to be filled up with energy again.

May 2, 2011 3:08 PM

Guest :

awesome and so true.

May 14, 2011 3:13 PM

Guest :

Lisa:
This artical is very helpful to me because i am surrounded by Psyc. vampires. Most are alcaholic neighbors, bad neighbors who are bully's bully's and worse. They are into hurting and belittling me and it would probably be someone else if not me...most of the men are older, like 20-30 years older and single (all mr. wrongs to me) but into convience and I'm right next door. They have taken my rejection badly and it almost seems like war here...These vampires have actually accused ME of being a vampire, all is way more than backwards! I hate it here and can't wait to move! I have been displace to this horrible neighborhood with injustice and it's taking a long time to fix the mess in the courts as if I didn't have enough troubles, then BAD NEIGHBORS! also the other tennants in this apt. building are all sick,...and you can almost feel it, the depression, opression,...Thanks for the info.!!!

May 14, 2011 3:56 PM

Guest :

This is the closest I have come to solving an ongoing mystery about my X-sig, my neighbors, just about every man I meet,...Thank you for this information! The men around here are vampires. I thought someone signed me up with the dating service from HELL but it's geographical to an extent, like the personality of a town, this one's UGLY! What they have done to me you would not believe and some women say "oh, that's not bad!" I think they are nuts, and the stalking, off the charts, the privacy invasion too! They even get your schedule(if you know what I mean) so as to catch you on your most vulnerable day! This is a college town and that's how I came to be here, you would not believe what these crazies have done to me and it's not over eigther! HELP!

Jun 8, 2011 10:46 AM

Guest :

Hate to say it, but my mom and my.grandma. are the worst energy vampires I know. There's always something wrong and they Never have anything good to say, always negative, and it effects me all the time. I can go from a great mood to a sh*tty mood within 20 minutes of being around them. Thanks for the tips. I changed, I used to be like that, but now, opposite.

My mom always had serious negative energy, as she exploded on me a lot when I was a small child. And now, its either her job, the traffic, other people, her boyfriend, money ,family. U name it lol. My grandma is the same, she is approval seeking and always finds worry and bad in everything. I love them both but I would rather be with some complete stranger or alone in my room. I make friends easily but I'm not in a rush, I want the Right ones.

Anyways, thanks for the article, you hit the nail on the head with describing vampires. Better to stay away alltogether.:)

Jun 14, 2011 4:34 PM

Guest :

I found this article helpful and informative :)

Oct 12, 2011 10:21 AM

Guest :

But this still begs the question, "how do energy vampires' negative influences consume the energy of their victims?" How does an energy vampire benefit from the positive energy of the victim?

Oct 23, 2011 8:46 AM

Guest :

'Positive energy' and 'negative energy' are just words, they don't reflect any measurable reality (in the way, say, that electrical energy does). It's important to set boundaries and avoid negative co-dependant relationships, yes, but people can't physically 'suck' your positive mood or 'infect' you with their negative one. In fact, seeing other people in this way is probably pretty harmful to one's personal relationships and an unhelpful way of perceiving your own emotional state.

Here's the thing - when one is 'draining somebody's positive energy' - wouldn't they fill up with positive energy and become all happy and upbeat? How does that work? The whole 'theory' doesn't really stand up to scrutiny, sorry.

Let's face it, we ALL do some of that stuff on the list, sometimes - let one person tell me they haven't been unreasonably demanding of a friend, relative or partner at some point in their lives.

Labelling the people we interact with as 'vampires' because for some reason we don't want to be close to them seems a strange way to conduct one's human interactions. It's OK just not to enjoy somebody's company, or feel a relationship isn't healthy - there's no need to construct some pseudo-science around it about 'energy draining'.

In my opinion, if your positive attitude or mood is so fragile as to be completely wiped out by another person, then there's probably something not altogether OK with YOU - which may be a better place to start than blaming one's own issues on another person (also a lot more empowering, let's face it!).

A very common situation is that, as people, we can get rather hooked on 'being needed' and over commit to a relationship as a result. This can end up with our dealings with another person appearing rather one-way, which in turn is exhausting for us. We also can think that we can 'fix' another person, which of course is impossible (think how hard it is to change even a small habit or attitude in yourself!). A tendency to rush into relationships generally can also lead to a very early blurring of boundaries, which are then much harder to set further down the line.

All of these things are really down to our own actions, though, and should not be blamed on the other person. As the poems says 'I am the master of my fate, I am the Captain of my soul!'.

Nov 9, 2011 7:17 PM

Guest :

Love it thats exactly what I live with and Im have been enableing. I feel drained. Thank You so much.

Nov 11, 2011 7:25 PM

Guest :

"'Positive energy' and 'negative energy' are just words, they don't reflect any measurable reality (in the way, say, that electrical energy does). It's important to set boundaries and avoid negative co-dependant relationships, yes, but people can't physically 'suck' your positive mood or 'infect' you with their negative one. In fact, seeing other people in this way is probably pretty harmful to one's personal relationships and an unhelpful way of perceiving your own emotional state.
Here's the thing - when one is 'draining somebody's positive energy' - wouldn't they fill up with positive energy and become all happy and upbeat? How does that work? The whole 'theory' doesn't really stand up to scrutiny, sorry."
Like you said these are just words. No one said anybody was "physically sucking energy"; it's just a way of describing the relationship and the metaphysics at work.
That said I might be able to explain this phenomenon a little more 'scientifically' for people who have problems with this kind of language.
What I think we're dealing with are people that are a little bit afraid of life. The link to childhood trauma is instructional, I think. Some people have strong emotions from their past that have very negative associations, and they want to avoid feeling this at all costs.
Unfortunately for them, life is utterly unpredictable. So in order to truly avoid contemplating these fearful emotions some people resort to trying to 'steer' social situations toward the things they 'want' to feel and away from the things they do not want to feel. I'm sure we've all done this to varying degrees.
But those who do this a lot become accustomed to trying to 'gain control' or 'gain security' from their environment, and they become experts at trying to 'extract' the 'right' (in their minds) kinds of feelings and outcomes from the people in their lives. Of course, even though they can sometimes be 'the life of the party', all of their actions still have a negative 'aura' or 'tone' to them... after all, fear is fear, and being afraid of feeling fear or afraid of feeling certain emotions will lead one to take fearful actions. No matter how great the lengths they go to 'secure the good stuff' from others, it will always have that 'fearful' or 'needy' tinge to it (because that is the essential character of the person who is doing these things).
The reason the energy they suck does not last is because it isn't real. *Real* life energy comes from the *void*; it comes from accepting the unknown, and not from controlling or aiming at it with your head. In short, all of the 'energy' that these people suck is just imaginary and has little value presicely BECAUSE it has not come to them from 'LIFE' but from their manipulation efforts.
Unfortunately it has a very real and lasting effect on those around them, since to have energy 'sucked away' from you is another way of saying you have bought into the vibe of the negative game they are playing, where certain emotions and outcomes are to be dreaded and we have to maintain a lot of control socially in order to get our needs met. Yes, this is a lie, but it can be hard to be independantly happy when someone around us is always trying to set this kind of tone for your relations. It can be completely draining.

Nov 22, 2011 1:14 PM

Guest :

I've had an energy vampire boyfriend from when i was 14 to 22 years old. Now i'm 23
He has managed to weaken me so much throughout all these years that by the time i fully realized what was going on it was really difficult to regain control of my life, or to want to live at all. The 'fruits' of that relationship is a chronic depression which combines a lack of interest in stuff that I used to be fascinated by, an obvious lack of self-esteem, alcoholism and a careless attitude towards my health and appearance. And always putting other people ahead of me. I think that most of the low self-esteem comes from seriously thinking i must be a complete idiot for having endured that guy for so long. Some of the arguments he used to blow out of proportion were about cooking (he thinks he's the best chef in the universe), when he would make me stay up all night and listen to him ranting about how I could have ruined his dinning table by not using a chopping board for chopping up veggies (...) See what i mean when i say i see myself as an Idiot :D ??

Dec 10, 2011 11:55 AM

Guest :

I use to be happy until I met the man who sucked the life out of me. I spent over a year being his therapist and trying to fix him. I was foolish enough to get him drugs pay his bills and do everything I could so he wouldn't be depressed. He was a drama queen, he cried constantly. I wonder if he had mental illness at time. He was an empty vessel, everything I did it was as though it would go in one end and come out the other. For some reason I still love him. Now I need a therapist.

Jan 26, 2012 5:59 PM

Guest :

I literally feel exhausted after speaking to my cousin. She is miserable and when I am in her presence, whether over the phone or in person, I catch her bad moods like a nasty cold. I admit feeling sorry for her; so I listen and let her vent. She is in a miserable live-in relationship which has been over for years. I think she just needs a place to live. She hates her job, has put on about 30 pounds, and has become isolated. Sounds depressed? Of course she is; but she is so thick-headed she can't see it. I cannot force her into therapy. I tr to invite her out or to parties but she declines. Her weight makes her self-conscious. I feel responsible for her in some ways. She's older than me, but she has NO LIFE. I, on the other hand, am in therapy, read inspirational books, pray, all of it to maintain a positive uplifting life for me, my husband, and kids. My cousin is on facebook alot lately, and I think it adds to her misery. She sees her friends living their lives and is clearly envious. There's a fine line between being co-dependent and setting boundaries. Due to our relationship I cannot just shut her off like a lamp. Only an in-humane person could do that. I feel better after typing. I hope I did not suck YOUR energy with my story!

Feb 13, 2012 2:47 PM

Guest :

I don't think this is fair at all because it puts people in black and white categories. Recently I've been really depressed and one of my friends just told me that it's been hard to be around me since I've been so negative and pessimistic. Some of these criteria fit me.. I criticize myself, can be a drama queen, and complain about my life. However, I don't criticize my friends, I think about their needs more than mine, and I'm trying to break out of this depression

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