Repeating the past and making the same mistakes is repetition compulsion, according to Sigmund Freud. This in psychiatric terms means "the blind impulse to repeat earlier experiences and situations quite irrespective of any advantage that doing so might bring from a pleasure-pain point of view." In regular words, it means that we're repeating the past, making the same mistakes, and constantly complaining about the results – and yet we keep doing it!
Stop Repeating the Past: Why We Struggle With Repetition Compulsion
Repetition compulsion or repeating the past involves recreating the same dynamics that we experienced as children. If your childhood was filled with verbal abuse and fear, then you may be more comfortable living with abuse and fear as an adult – and so you pick a partner who calls you names or pushes you around. This is repeating the past. If you were the "good kid" who didn't cause trouble and always helped out, you may be inclined to make people happy (the people pleaser). Again, you're repeating your past or making the same mistake.
For some, repeating the past means complaining about never making money in the stock market – because they never invest or move their money around. For others, repeating the past means waking up with a hangover and no idea where the car is – and doing it again the next weekend, or even the next day. It's about repeating the past or making the same "mistakes". However, repeating the past isn't about mistakes.
Repeating the past or repetition compulsion could involve picking friends who take advantage of you, or accepting jobs that don't offer a chance of promotion or professional development. Repeating the past is pursuing the same dead ends over and over again, or engaging in the same self-destructive behavior. It's making the same mistakes. To stop repeating the past, you must first determine if you are repeating the past.
Repetition compulsion or repeating the past includes:
- Emotional eating, or eating too much or too little
- Drinking too much or alcoholism
- Unsafe, unprotected promiscuity
- Drug addiction
- Working all the time, workaholism
- Constant misery, complaining, or sour attitude - a common form of repeating the past
- Chronically choosing the wrong man or woman
- Picking the same type of friends (bad ones)
- Chronic negativity or pessimism
- Trying to "make" others love us - another common form of repeating the past
- Constant financial struggles
- Persistent struggles with illness or disease
How to determine if you're repeating the past:
You consistently ignore the negative consequences of your actions (and you're obviously repeating the past). For example, when you're stressed about work you always eat donuts, potato chips, and chocolate bars until midnight – then wake up feeling disgustingly fat and sluggish. Yet, you ignore the awful feelings and not only do you keep on eating, you don't deal with the source of the stress (eg, get a different job or delegate some responsibilities). You're repeating the past and suffering for it.
10 ways to stop repeating the past:
- Counseling with a therapist familiar with repetition compulsion.
- Self-awareness and honesty.
- Books. To stop repeating the past, read about habits and motivation.
- Workshops or lectures about repetition compulsion.
- Support groups.
- Friends or family that will support you as you stop repeating the past.
- Crisis moment or pivotal experience (eg, experience with death).
- Medication (if you're depressed, for instance, learn about antidepressants).
- Quitting cold turkey.
- Find relief through vacations, exercise, hobbies, new activities. To stop repeating the past, you may need to distract yourself.
When you're trying to stop repeating the past, you may not know which way will work best for you until you try each method. Pick the most obvious or easiest method to stop repeating the past, give it your best shot, and see what happens. If it doesn't work, then pick another path. A combination of things (such as books and support groups) is an often effective way to stop repeating the past.
There may be no easy answers – but at least you're aware of your tendency towards repeating the past.
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Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen is a full-time writer and blogger in Vancouver, BC, and the creator of the Quips and Tips blog series.
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