Why do people have sex? The wide range of reasons may surprise you! The "why" of sexual love and physical intimacy don't just include love, romance, and a yearning to be close to someone.
Researchers at the University of Texas at Austin discovered many more motives for intercourse, ranging from boredom to psychological manipulation. These psychology researchers identified four major categories and 13 subcategories of reasons why people have sex.
Physical Reasons People Have Sex
- Stress reduction: "It's good exercise."
- Curiosity: "What would it be like with this person, or try that position?"
- Sexual chemistry: "He's hot. She's got a great body."
- Pleasure: "It feels good."
Emotional Reasons for Sexual Love
- Love: "I want to feel connected."
- Expression: "I want to say thanks or express my gratitude."
Motivational or Goal-Based Reasons People Have Sex
- Procreation: "I want to have a baby."
- Social status: "I want to be popular."
- Revenge: "I want to give someone a sexually transmitted disease."
Insecure Reasons for Sexual Love
- Self-esteem: "I want the attention. I want to feel better about myself."
- Pressure: "My partner insisted."
- Protection: "To keep my partner faithful."
Other Reasons People Have Sex
- Spiritual: "I want to feel closer to God."
- Unselfish: "I want my partner to feel good about him or herself."
- Harm: "I want to break up a relationship."
- To impress others: "I want to brag to my friends."
- Psychological manipulation: "I want a raise, promotion, or to make a sale."
- Self-humiliation: "I want to debase myself."
Many of these reasons people have sex are intertwined. That is, people have sex for more than one reason (eg, because their partner insisted and they want to feel connected and they want to have a baby.)
Undisclosed Reasons People Have Sex
This list only scratches the surface of all the possible physical, emotional, social & psychological motives for intercourse. The researchers surveyed university undergraduates; I suspect older, more mature people have sex for different reasons.
For instance, elderly people may have sex simply because they can. Maybe they've endured a long drought for health or social reasons, and they can now enjoy intercourse again – so they do! A renewed interested in having sex isn't limited to elderly people, if course: people who've survived cancer or a brush with death may have sex more often than before.
People who've been sexually abused may have sex for psychological reasons. People who've seen their parents have sex may pursue physical intimacy for different psychological reasons.
Fear of Intimacy in Love
Not being able to move past the emotional walls isn't necessarily a barrier to physical intercourse, but it is a barrier to emotional connection and sometimes even physical satisfaction. Fear of intimacy affects your ability to respond to your partner – both physically and emotionally.
For more information on fear of intimacy, read Overcoming Fear of Intimacy.
Related Reading on Sex and Love
For a full list of articles about sex and love, read Creating Healthy Sexual Intimacy in Love
How to Make Love Last in Long-Term Relationships describes how to stay intimate, and improve your love life.
Healthy Ways to Say I Love You helps couples express their feelings in sincere, effective ways.
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen is a full-time writer and blogger in Vancouver, BC, and the creator of the Quips and Tips blog series.
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