The money personalities of Savers and Spenders don’t have to cause stress in a marriage (though they often do). These money psychology tips can help married couples manage their finances with minimal or no conflict; they’re based on advice from “The Money Couple” and authors of First Comes Love, Then Comes Money (Harper Collins 2009), Scott and Bethany Palmer.
Recognize Different Money Personalities
The first tip for resolving financial conflict in marriage is to become aware of how Savers and Spenders view money. It doesn’t help to keep fighting about the credit card bills or mortgage payments! What may work better is to talk about how parents, childhood experiences, and marriage affect spending and saving habits. To peacefully manage finances, both spouses need to be aware of how the past affects their money psychology.
Remember the Intentions of the Spender or Saver
The second tip for managing finances is to remember the intentions of each spouse. For instance, the Saver isn’t trying to make life boring or unhappy for the Saver and the Spender isn’t trying to bring financial ruin to the Saver!
Each person is acting according to his or her own psyche or money personality. In all probability, neither is deliberately trying to cause financial hardship. Keeping this in mind can help Savers and Spenders resolve money problems and make decisions more peacefully.
Become Aware of How Spouses Show Love
The third tip involves showing love in marriage. “The Saver tends to freak out when her partner spends on something she deems frivolous,” say Scott and Bethany Palmer in The Money Couple.
“In her mind, things like flowers are nice for a day or two, but then they wilt and all you have left is a bill for $60.” These financial communication experts encourage couples to go beyond looking at the intentions behind flamboyant romantic gestures, and see how love is being shown. For some money personalities — especially Spenders — gifts are a way of showing love and thoughtfulness.
Schedule Regular Conversations About Money in Marriage
The fourth tip is what The Money Couple calls a Money Huddle: regularly scheduled discussions about future financial plans, current investments, the household budget, bill and debt payments, etc. Their tips for talking about money for married couples include setting a budget for special occasions, such as Christmas or Valentine’s Day, so couples don’t suddenly reveal spending or saving surprises.
“Knowing there’s room in the budget for romance not only gives Spenders freedom to show love without worrying about a backlash, but also encourages Savers to do little splurging as well!”
Recognize the Effect Saving or Spending Has on Spouses
This final tip is what money psychology is about, because it revolves around easing stress in specific ways. For example, Spenders feel exhilarated and satisfied when they find the perfect gift – such as champagne and roses for their spouse. “But if Spenders want to romance their Savers, they have to recognize that all the champagne and roses in the world will fall flat if they create stress in their Savers,” say the Palmers.
Spending money can create anxiety for Savers, which increases conflict in the relationship. For Savers, the feeling of socking away an extra few hundred dollars for a rainy day or a trip to Hawaii offers a rush of happiness! But, saving money all the time without making enjoyable purchases can feel frustrating and boring for Spenders. Finding a healthy balance between saving and spending can help resolve financial stress in relationships.
Spenders and savers need to recognize that sometimes a little understanding and compromise can be the most loving gesture of all.
Related Reading on Money Personalities in Psychology
How to Find the Motivation to Reduce Personal Debt describes psychological ways to pay off outstanding bills and save more money. Increasing the incentive to reduce personal debt is the most powerful way to increase wealth!
Resource:
Scott and Bethany Palmer, The Money Couple.
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen is a full-time writer and blogger in Vancouver, BC, and the creator of the Quips and Tips blog series.
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