Introverts and Extroverts in Love Relationships

Communication Tips for Partners With Different Personality Types

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Introverts & Extroverts in Love - stock xchange tuareg
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When opposites attract, introverts and extroverts in love can clash! This description of different personality traits will help improve communication in marriage.

Two major personality types are extroverts and introverts, which are opposite ends of the spectrum of personality traits. Extroverts and introverts fall in love all the time – because opposites attract – but may find it difficult to build a strong relationship or marriage because of communication differences.

Though relationship conflict is inevitable, resolving conflict and improving communication is easier when you understand introverted and extroverted personality types. You might consider a personality test to determine if you're an introvert or an extrovert (online personality tests are usually easy to take, and accurate).

Or, you may just want to scan through these personality traits of introverts and extroverts to see your own personality profile.

Introverted Personality Traits

Introverts are usually energized by being alone, private, and quiet. Introverts are more sensitive to social rejection, and don't always see the world as a safe place.

Emotionally stable introverts are:

  • Passive
  • Careful
  • Thoughtful
  • Controlled
  • Reliable
  • Even-tempered
  • Calm

Emotionally unstable introverts can be:

  • Quiet
  • Pessimistic
  • Unsociable
  • Sober
  • Rigid
  • Moody
  • Anxious
  • Reserved

Extroverted Personality Traits

Extroverts tend to be energized by groups of people, conversation, and activity. Extroverts are less sensitive to rejection, and see the world as a safer place.

Emotionally stable extroverts are:

  • Sociable
  • Outgoing
  • Talkative
  • Responsive
  • Easygoing
  • Lively
  • Carefree
  • Leaderlike

Emotionally unstable extroverts can be:

  • Active
  • Optimistic
  • Impulsive
  • Changeable
  • Excitable
  • Aggressive
  • Restless
  • Touchy

(Source: Perspectives on Personality by Carver Scheier.)

Communication Tips for Introverts and Extroverts in Love Relationships

Understanding your partner's personality traits is the key to resolving relationship conflict. The introvert needs to understand his extroverted partner's need for social activity; the extrovert needs to understand her introverted partner's need for privacy and downtime.

Finding compromise when opposites attract or when you' have different personality traits is also important. The introvert could go to the social event with the extrovert; the extrovert could agree to leave at an earlier time. The introvert could suggest comfortable solutions to situations the extrovert enjoys, such as smaller, more intimate dinner parties instead of huge events.

Accepting your differences is crucial. It's one thing to understand the personality profiles of introverts and extroverts; it's totally different to actually accept and even admire different personality traits. Acceptance means the introvert doesn't try to change the extrovert and vice versa. Acceptance means the extrovert really sees the value of the introvert's personality profile – and vice versa.

Personality testing isn't always necessary when it comes to discovering introverted or extroverted personality traits! People generally have an idea of their own traits; the key is for extroverts and introverts to find harmonious ways to live and love together.

If you found Introverts and Extroverts in Love Relationships helpful, you might find Resources for Extroverts and Introverts helpful.

Laurie Pawlik Kienlen, Psychology Feature Writer, Bruce Kienlen

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen is a full-time writer and blogger in Vancouver, BC, and the creator of the Quips and Tips blog series.

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13 Comments

Comments

Jun 27, 2009 4:28 PM
Guest :
Great! So should extroverts and introverts be together? I find it frustrating when I want to go,go,go and my partner is slow, slow, slow. I don't diss them for it,but I feel they try to quiet me, slow me or make me feel like I need to relax more. I want to be me. I let them be them , but at times I am made to feel like I am too much. Therein lies the problem.
Jul 10, 2009 9:33 AM
Guest :
I think the article says it best that both personalities need to have an understanding about what makes the other Tick. I used to get so dragged down when my wife just wanted to stay home and organize the closet without talking or we would sit next to eachother watchiing TV without interacting. But after reading a few books and this article I realized that it was just how she worked. We both came to a compromise. If I need her to Step it up she will and I will Tone down when she asks. I have honestly learned to relax alittle more and I see the difference in her when we are in social settings.
Aug 8, 2009 2:14 AM
Guest :
I am very impressed with the article and I like what they are talking about because I'm introverted and some people think it is so bad but when someone knows your personality, and treat us differently, importantly, they know the peronalidad your partner or friends so they can get along.
Jul 21, 2010 3:25 PM
Guest :
I am somewhat an emotionally unstable (but not entirely unstable) introvert and my boyfriend is an emotionally stable extrovert. We make it work, almost ten years. As long as both parties are not entirely closed off to their partner's personality, then there shouldn't be too much of a problem. Going out once and a while is great, and he's always spending his day with colleagues and customers, so when he gets home at night, he doesn't mind a romantic dinner for two (as oppose to group dinners). I think our difference help our relationship greatly
Jul 25, 2010 10:51 AM
Guest :
I dislike highly the way you use the label of introverts and extroverts as emotionally unstable. That has such a negative connotation that it was hard for me to become involved in the article after I read that. If you change that or reword it I think you will appeal to a broader audience.
Sep 2, 2010 8:57 AM
Guest :
I have been searching for any thing I could read about introverts and here I got it!
My boyfriend was an unstable introvert while I am a stable introvert. He decided that we end the relationship because whenever he saw me he saw himself. I thought that this was a rude way of perceiving each other for to him an introvert does not seem to measure up. I felt that he disliked himself for being an introvert; are we bad people? My personality had never been the centre of my life until I met him. Cant 2 introverts get married?
Oct 26, 2010 4:52 PM
Guest :
I don't think I quite agree with the lists of stable and unstable traits. I agree that the list can apply in a lot of cases but I've usually noticed that introverted folks have more of a leadership quality if they have come to balance their personality well. Extroverts tend to look to introverts for approval and confirmation because they see that introverts have unique insight on the way they view things in life. If you've noticed, every extroverted leader has an introverted (for lack of better terms) sidekick/close companion/friend that they do life with. So introverts indeed have a ton of leadership qualities, their opinions are just being voiced by someone else because they don't care how the information is getting out, as long as it's getting out. :)
Nov 10, 2010 1:29 AM
Guest :
Base on the four 'stable' & 'unstable' personalities you mentioned, I think I'm a stable introvert... AND unstable extrovert.

Idk. I think my OWN molecules attract. Haha.

PS: Sometimes, I wonder why there are 'security' codes like, 'What is 3+3?'. I mean, what if some people suck at mathematics?! xP
Dec 4, 2010 6:29 PM
Guest :
This article was very helpful. I am extremely yet stable introvert and my boyfriend is a stable extrovert. Sometimes I wonder, "Where does he get his energy?" and his ability to go, go, go. He does respect my need for down time but does call to see how I am doing. Plus he knows how to get me talking which is my hardest skill. We get along beautifully and he truelly enjoys my company.
Jun 7, 2011 8:27 AM
Guest :
I am an unstable introvert and Im fine with that. :)
Jun 15, 2011 12:33 AM
Guest :
It took me a while to answer 9 on this math problem ha ha. I must be a an introvert. Yes this was very helpful indeed! I am not in any relationship right now besides friendly ones, and I think applying this knowledge to my friend relationships can help me since my best friend is an extrovert. I understand the stable and unstable traits and we have definitely had our share of both. Now even throughout our most unstable times I get to find a solution. I wonder how long we'll keep up our friendship now?
Jun 29, 2011 5:09 PM
Guest :
Awesome Articles! Very helpful.
Oct 8, 2011 4:01 AM
Guest :
I am a stable introvert and my boyfriend an unstable introvert. I have found it horrendously difficult understanding his constant need for space and his lack of interaction with me. It doesn't seem healthy but this article helps me understand. I'm very open about feelings etc but he just closes off. It's very hard in a relationship. How do I help him understand my personality based needs!?
13 Comments
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