How Introverts Communicate - Shy and Quiet?

10 Tips on Talking to People with Introverted Personality Traits

Nov 29, 2007
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

How Introverts Communicate - stock xchange 3pod

An introvert's communication style is different than an extrovert's - but not always shy and quiet! Learn to communicate with introverted personality types and traits.

Introverted personality traits and types are different than extroverted personality types in three major ways, according to Dr Marti Olsen Laney in The Introvert Advantage.

Introverts are energized by their inner worlds while extroverts are energized by outer worlds. That is, introverts get their energy from themselves – their ideas, emotions and impressions. Extroverts get their energy from people, activities, and things outside of themselves.

Introverted personality types don’t thrive on a variety of stimuli, while extroverts do. Introverts tend to gain experience with a narrow, in-depth focus. Extroverted personality types tend to get experience and knowledge through a wide variety of people, places and things.

How Introverts Communicate - Shy and Quiet?

In The Introvert Advantage, Dr Laney says that introverts tend to:

Keep energy, enthusiasm and excitement to themselves. Introverts hesitate before sharing personal information.
Need time to think before they respond. Introverts need time to reflect before reacting.
Prefer communicating one to one. People with introverted personality traits don’t like parties and groups as much as extroverts do.
May occasionally think they told you something they didn’t, because they’re “always going over things in their head.”
Need to be invited to speak or be drawn out. Introverts tend to prefer written over verbal communication.

People with introverted personality traits may like people very much, but find it draining to be around anyone too long. People with introverted personality traits feel overwhelmed more quickly than extroverts do - especially in group settings.

10 Tips on Talking to Introverted Personality Types and Traits

These tips on talking to introverts work well with anybody – introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between!

Set a time to discuss big issues. This gives introverts time to prepare their thoughts.
Let introverts talk – don’t interrupt. “It takes energy for introverts to start talking again,” says Dr Laney in The Introvert Advantage.
Occasionally communicate in writing. Introverts may prefer written communication because it’s less stimulating.
Ask questions, such as what happened during the day. Introverts may need to be drawn out.
Give them a chance to talk. Offer silence, which may prompt people with introverted personality traits to share their thoughts.
Be comfortable with silence. Introverts generally like it quiet – but they also enjoy spending time with others. Quietly.
Repeat what you heard them say. Ask introverts if your summary was accurate.
Use nonverbal communication. According to Laney, shoulder pats, hand holding, kisses on the cheek are effective ways to “talk” to people with introverted personality traits.
Appreciate how much energy it takes introverts to be with people – whether it’s a group or just you. Show your appreciation.
Get comfortable with a different conversational pace. Learn to value how introverts communicate - because it is different than people with extroverted personality traits!

If you found How Introverts Communicate helpful, read:

Laurie Pawlik Kienlen, Psychology Feature Writer, Bruce Kienlen

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen is a full-time writer and blogger in Vancouver, BC, and the creator of the Quips and Tips blog series.

Comments

Sep 2, 2008 10:23 AM

Guest :

Summer:

I think it's quiet good in fact. However, I guess people in general don't like introverts or they think they're not what they look to be. This is a very odd position, particularly for a group talk (or group socialization). I can't lie (quiet a statement, i know) and so called extroverts do it very easily an with confidence. If lying makes me an extrovert, i prefer to be an introvert for life.

Sep 5, 2008 9:30 AM

Guest :

Why is this written as if being an introvert is some abnormal disease? Obviously written by an extrovert.

Sep 23, 2008 8:12 AM

Guest :

SOUNDS VERY ACCURATE TO ME

Sep 27, 2008 11:44 AM

Guest :

I'm an introvert, not an alien. I am not slow. I'm okay, YOU are okay, IN SMALL DOSES! Sure, I am a friendly introvert, on MY TERMS. We as introverts CHOOSE when we wish to engage, period. Everyone seems to think that we introverts will be just fine with extroverts... and that extroverts are our perfect love match as well, HOGWASH. My husband is a bigger introvert than me, and that's really saying something. We are both deeply introverted and we LOVE It that way. All three kids are also deeply introverted. We simply wish to be left alone, we will choose when we want to engage in social activity. Usually work is MORE than enough!! We can all be in the same house together, doing our own thing, NOT CHATTERING AWAY AND ANNOYING THE HELL OUT OF ONE ANOTHER. We rarely, if EVER, turn on the TV, but we love music. The phone is only a necessary EVIL. We are annoyed by those of you who need constant attention and drama.... who can't seem to focus and stay on task. We are even more annoyed by those of you who are pushy, bossy and want to be in our personal space all the time. Introverts love peace, quiet, and non confrontational interactions. NO EXCEPTIONS. If you can't relate to that, we won't relate to you.

Oct 1, 2008 2:00 AM

Guest :

This article makes introverts sound like retarded puppies. And I'm pretty sure I'm not a retarded puppy.

Oct 9, 2008 8:07 AM

Guest :

i liked the fact that you got the quiet part, and the part where we don't usually just talk and talk

Oct 20, 2008 9:19 AM

Guest :

Previous commenter mentioned this makes us sound like retarded puppies. You're spot on Rover.

This is just so annoying that introverts are presented as inferior & weird all the time.

Many extroverts are constantly seeking other people's approval and it can come across as rather desperate, they are frequently ego-maniacs too, looking for compliments and admiration. Introverts are often too busy with their own thoughts and lives to want to waste time talking rubbish and massaging someones ego

Oct 23, 2008 5:19 AM

Guest :

Umm.. WHy do i feel so insulted when i read this article? I'm an introvert.

Oct 25, 2008 11:28 AM

Guest :

i agree with the other comments - this article is pretty insulting to introverted people - the FACT is everyone is introverted and EVERYONE is extroverted - it totally depends on the situation and your state.

INTROVERSION IS A MYTH

thoughts please

Oct 26, 2008 5:56 PM

Guest :

im an introvert to me this kinda makes introverts sound stupid im not stupid im just not good at talking to people and making eye contact in public.

Oct 27, 2008 12:41 AM

Guest :

This article isn't really insulting, more or less a little vague. I would say the characteristics are about 90% correct, but the way it's being described is just rude.

Honestly, I just don't like to be around most people because I find their presence and sometimes demeanor offensive. Even if I know them.

Oct 29, 2008 2:54 AM

Guest :

Shoulder pats work on me only if it's by someone intimate (e.g. family). In public it has an adverse effect.

Nov 2, 2008 8:25 PM

Guest :

the article is only "insulting" because we've been conditioned since childhood that introverted behavior is wrong or weird. it's not! I LOVE being an introvert! I really wouldn't have it any other way. Yes, it is so frustrating at times though... :)

Nov 11, 2008 12:54 PM

Guest :

its ur opinion still but im an introvert n i agree wid some points u make but not all :)

Nov 23, 2008 10:03 AM

Guest :

Hey, I think that this makes quite a bit of seance. I recently found out that I am an introvert as well. I don't get offended by this, it's actually quite helpful on helping me understand why I am the way I am. But, that's just how I fee.

Dec 10, 2008 8:44 PM

Guest :

This article is very accurate and I agree with most of it. It is neither insulting nor degrading. If people think that I am weird because I'm an introvert so be it. Why would I want to be like those loud and annoying persons who only chatter away inanely? Not to say that I don't enjoy their company now and then but too much is a pain. You guys need to accept yourselves. The article says we internalise and deliberate over our actions, how is that stupid?

Dec 10, 2008 9:04 PM

Kwan :

this article is mostly accurate and it does not make me feel alien, insulted, retarded or like an animal. i don't see a reason to be insulted. the truth is the truth. these tendencies described are, for the most part, those that i have. i accept my weirdness as described by others. i do not want to be the type of person to be speak needlessly. i do apreciate solitude and silence.

Dec 29, 2008 11:31 PM

Guest :

I've never really thought about it, but this artocle just decribed my personality exactly.
Good read

Jan 2, 2009 12:03 PM

Guest :

I would not recommend touching as a method of communication with introverts, unless you know them very well. Myself included, I cannot think of (m?)any introverts I know that would appreciate being touched. Really, just don't. It's an unnecessary invasion of space.

Jan 5, 2009 3:53 AM

Guest :

I know a lot of people are offended by this but I wouldn't say it was incorrect, perhaps, just not put forward very well. Admittedly it does make us sound inferior and slow minded to the outsider... but it is mostly correct. As for the whole nonverbal communication, I find them all too forward for an Introvert. Actions shown, perhaps, like small gestures would be appreciated but any shoulder pats and onward, outside of my family unit, well, i'd be made to feel very uncomfortable. Not advisable at all.

Jan 9, 2009 8:00 PM

Guest :

As an introvert I don't find this article insulting, though I'm not sure I'd recommend touching either- honestly that seems to be a classic extroverted thing to do!

Jan 21, 2009 6:24 PM

Guest :

I agree with the previous comment more or less. The article describes me pretty well, although it can insulting to some. But knowing myself and my characteristics is always a good thing. Every human being is different in their own way, you dont need to be superior or inferior to others. However, problems do arise when mixing introvert and extrovert people, as in my case my wife is extrovert. In such case understanding the characteristics of introvert and extrovert may strengthen understanding towards each other.

Jan 27, 2009 11:30 PM

Guest :

Is it typical of an introvert to be offended with any examination of his characteristics?

Feb 27, 2009 1:08 PM

Guest :

Don't feel insulted...I am an extrovert and there were alot of things I envy you for if you an introvert...Waiting to answer til you think it through.UMMM Not me, I react to quick. Being the one to be careful what I say, I wear not only my heart on my sleeve, but everything else.
I could go on. But this article struck me as introverts may be shy but it also says alot about having wisdom and self control. This is not always the case with introverts. But for the most part that is what I took from this article so be proud!

Feb 27, 2009 7:48 PM

Guest :

I don't find this offensive either, nor does it make introverts sound retarded. People forget that there's different types of introverts, so not everyone is going to fit into the same bucket. No point throwing a hissy fit if a particular article doesn't describe you the way you want it to.

Mar 16, 2009 8:48 PM

Guest :

I am definitely an introvert, but I am the interesting and eccentric type. I think extroverts are shallow and never think twice before they speak. Extroverts are weirder than introverts in that they go against nature - the fact that we have one mouth and two ears means we should listen more than we speak, but extroverts do the opposite. Most introverts are highly intelligent people who uses their brain more than extroverts.

Mar 18, 2009 11:02 AM

Guest :

I agree with most of the people on here. This is seemingly an extreme view of someone incompetent, paranoid and self-centered. This is not common among introverts. It's rather disrespectful.

Mar 23, 2009 1:02 PM

Guest :

Ignore this article, heres what you have to know:
1.If you're friendly, you'll be fine
2.Make the first move yourself
3.Dont pressure us into anything, but make us feel invited
4.There are many different kinds of introverts, from shy people who have accepted that they are just happier when they're alone to people who are just a little insecure and need to warm up to you first.
5.I know i would personally prefer a group of 3-5 rather than 1 on 1, that's less pressure and attention put on me and i feel more comfortable and relaxed.
6.As has been said before, we AREN'T mentally hadicaped, we AREN'T crippled, we just think differently than other people, so don't treat us like we're half braindead or toddlers, just keep an open mind when you try to talk to us and don't get offended, because we usually don't mean to be rude or insulting.

Jun 2, 2009 3:51 PM

Guest :

omg i think this article is so good. i mean i always thought that i was so weird bcuz im so quiet and i like being alone but now i finally know thats its normal and its ok 2 b different.

Jun 7, 2009 8:40 AM

Guest :

i think the characteristics of interovert are not defined properly here.
-- interoverts are not energiged by their innerworld. If that is the case, every great thinker who made history in relegion, science etc etc were all introverts.
Then who are introverts. They are the one who 'keeps' their opinion to themselves. Not easily available to comment on any subject of discussion. Possibly not very clear of their thoughts (its not a major sign though). Hesitant to open up. That's all. They sure need someone to roll them off.
Extroverts are basically fearless ppl, who dont worry abt what ppl might say when they give their opinion about a subject. Sometimes these are the ppl who turn out good candidate for leaders. Although not necessarily good leaders.
Both introverts & extroverts are susceptible to external circumstances. So they both sure will react to whatever happens in the external world & form up their opinions.

Jun 24, 2009 7:49 PM

Guest :

I've been dating this girl for two plus years now and I've only just discovered that she is an introvert and I am an extrovert which probably explains why we can never seem to get along anymore. I like TV, she doesn't, i like social activities, she doesn't and so on. I've tried very hard to understand why our relationship is not working and I think I may have found the answer. I'm not judging her introverted personality but I feel like we are trying to fit a "square peg in a round hole".

Jun 27, 2009 9:15 AM

Guest :

I'm about half and half. As an introvert, I DO get my energy "from within myself" and I am easily worn out by large groups. However, like an extrovert, I often enjoy having long and meaningful conversations (but not small talk!), I DO seek the approval of others (probably social conditioning from trying to fit in with extroverts!) and I am stimulated by many different things (I have a TON of hobbies and I love to travel!).

I think introversion/extroversion are more like two ends of a scale rather than black & white qualities. Most people probably fall somewhere in the middle.

Jul 7, 2009 4:41 PM

Guest :

I am introverted and intelligent. This might be a good way for someone close to me to approach me with a subject "I do not wish to talk about." Touching is not a good idea. That one just doesn't even make sense.

Jul 15, 2009 11:13 PM

Guest :

All of us introverts came to this page for one reason. We wanted to get some ideas on how to communicate with extroverts(annoying small talk).
Extroverts have clearly spent years trying to make us feel flawed for not behaving like they do, our contempt was clearly displayed by overly defensive behavior from some of the earlier comments.
It's too bad we didnt all live in the same area where we could finally seperate ourselves from extroverts. Having to be around them all the time gets annoying.

Jul 22, 2009 11:46 PM

Guest :

It's already been said, but for the love of God, Do Not Touch!

Jul 31, 2009 3:49 PM

Guest :

I'm so glad I found this website. For the longest time I thought I was just weird and needed to change. I thought I needed counseling or some medication to help me come out of my shell. I'm glad I finally decided to do research. I have to admit that the article above made me laugh, but I read a few of the other other articles and I have a lot of the traits, so it's official.

Aug 10, 2009 9:28 PM

Guest :

The reason this article feels insulting to some of us introverts is not necessarily because the information is inaccurate, but because it gives the impression of introverts as beings to be tolerated, and that these certain compensatory actions are needed in order to interact with us--an awkward pat on the shoulder or contrived, intruding questions. People need to stop being so wrapped up in these labels.
live and let live

Aug 26, 2009 9:28 AM

Guest :

It sounds like all of the introverts on here are just being overly sensitive. They way you are responding to this article is what makes you seem retarded. You are all hypocrites because you are expressing your intolerance for extroverts but you expect us the to sugar coat our opinions for you. This article is just giving advise to make you more comfortable and make communitcation better between to very different personalities but you find away to see the negative in the situation. Calm down and take a chill pill.

Aug 31, 2009 11:34 AM

Guest :

Wow, at first i understand why ppl found this so offences.
But after reading it, i too found it very offences.
Not saying the whole thing was wrong. I just find it very
misleading and misinform.

Sep 3, 2009 1:57 PM

Guest :

is it possible to change from introvert to extrovert,? I have always been an introvert, i always had a problem with it till i started to accept it. when I had a problem with it I tried to be like an outgoing extrovert and it felt good to have all my friends laugh at all my jokes and other ppl too but I kind of felt like I was trying to prove i was a wonderful person you should get to know. I got this job at burger king and the customers are ass holes when all i do is act polite. so i've grown bitter about people , i tend to feel drained but i blame it on my school and work but the truth is i really enjoy being with just one other person. i love to talk about the human mind and about problems with my friend, i like to analyze the situation the words ,expressions the thioughts of everything ,i pay aattention to detail and i love to have meaning full conversations...which brings me to my next point when I use to conversate with people I use to be witty, i use to crack jokes that were actually clever or cute or funy....and i could almost sense the happy from them and i loved it but now i feel like I can't laugh like an honest laugh one of those laughs wheree u can't stop laughing...i never loked at myself as a serious person and now im wondering what has happened to me...i miss myself :[

Sep 3, 2009 7:44 PM

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :

Hi,

Yes, I think it is possible to change from introverted to extroverted personality traits, but I think if you do that, you run the risk of not being true to who you are.

I've written several articles about introverted personality traits and self-acceptance. The best way to find them is to go to my Psychology blog, and start with my most recent article about introverts.

To get to those articles, just click on my name in blue at the top of this page, then click on "Read Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen's blog" on the right side. Scroll down to "A Letter From an Introvert." You can also find it in the August, 2009 list on the side panel.

I've written tons of tips for introverts; you just need to do a little digging! Also – you said you “miss yourself”, which makes me think that you might need to learn about authenticity and finding your personal identity.

If you read these articles about introverts and still want to become more extroverted, just post a comment here. I’ll write an article about it and leave you a note here.

I wish you all the best as you explore the world of introverts!

Laurie

Sep 12, 2009 10:13 AM

Guest :

OMG!! I wish all the introverts commenting would get a grip!! They obviously are VERY sensitive!! "I'm not supid".... "I'm not abnormal"...wah wah wah!! I'm thankful for the article. As an extrovert I'm trying to learn how to deal with the biggest introvert in my life, MY DAD!!! And he sure isn't beating down my door to try to convey how he feels or why he does what he does. I feel like I'm dealing with a baby or a spoiled child sometimes. Thanks for the article I am going to try some of the tips.

Sep 16, 2009 9:20 PM

Guest :

I've got to agree -- a lot of introverts are major whiners. I think it's because they spend so much time thinking about themselves. Hint: "Centered on the self" just means self-centered.

Look folks, you do have a disorder, no matter what niceties people want to put on it. You can pretend all you want...heck there are "fat pride" groups and all sorts of other communities that can make you feel normal. But here's the deal -- you aren't. That's just the stats. And what's more, you aren't, on average, very happy. And being around you doesn't exactly bring out joy in the 70+% of the population who are extroverts.

And first poster here on extroverts being liars! Typical introvert deflection and denial. Here's another tip, most of us extroverts don't trust introverts because you all have to think so damn ling before you talk. What are you afraid you might say? It comes accross as slimy and devious...and at best self centered. A normal person (aka extrovert) is willing to speak off the cuff ... from our own perspective we are far more honest. And if you actually "can't" lie that's a symptom of autism, not introversion, so see a psychiatrist for some help.

You know why we're pissed? The self-centered whining grates on our nerves. Get over yourselves. Hell, take a social psych or interpersonal communication course and see how interpersonal connections are what hold society together and maintain psychological health. Stop trying to justify a personality problem and get some help.

Sep 19, 2009 10:35 PM

Guest :

I agree with it all. I am an introvert, and I have a quite extroverted friend who can suck the energy from me. I can't sleep over two nights with her. We tried once, and it ended up in fights. We tend to fight a lot since she always inturupts me. For example, there was a time when she did ask me how I was. Thinking she saw hoe distressed I was, I told her I had a bad night. I had a lot to tell her, but threw one sentence she starts talking about a tattoo... I am still fighting with her today. I even brought up once how she doesnt appreciate me. I doubt she even hurd me. And she's jealous of a relationship I have with another introvert. (I'm also known to exaggerate stories, and get my facts wrong. Only from my constant imagination.)

Sep 19, 2009 10:43 PM

Guest :

Hahaha, after reading the comments I believe an extrovert needs to put some insight in. But they are probably all at social events! Im introvert. and i think this article is fine. not too vague or whatever. ntroverts only appear different because they are always on their own. So whoever meets you and says "your a shy one." that immediatly says that they are extrovert. and simply don't understand what it means to be that way. I believe that introverts only appear different because extroverts have so many other extrovert friends. Hahaha.

Sep 19, 2009 10:50 PM

Guest :

Well, I have another opinion on this article and the comments...
The reason why there is more extroverts than introverts is because suicides are always caused by a inner soft spoken person. They'll believe no one understands them after all their tries with communicating. Those tries end up fatal since they are opening up to the wrong people. Open up to other people who don't talk. Speakers don't understand the quiet.

Sep 23, 2009 8:12 PM

Guest :

A few comments from the other side of the aisle:

1. Set a time to discuss big issues. This gives introverts time to prepare their thoughts.

Sounds fair.

2. Let introverts talk – don’t interrupt. “It takes energy for introverts to start talking again,” says Dr Laney in The Introvert Advantage.

It takes energy for extroverts to restrict their language in this way. Introverts often consider it interruption because they have "paused" but their pause is so long it represents a full stop in the extrovert world. And among many extroverts finishing one another's sentences is not only acceptable, but desirable. The burden on the extrovert is just as great.

3. Occasionally communicate in writing. Introverts may prefer written communication because it’s less stimulating.

Again, fair. A little of each.

4. Ask questions, such as what happened during the day. Introverts may need to be drawn out.

The problem here is that introverts in general don't have as much interest in other people as exroverts. You draw one out and they will keep talking about themselves, but often won't show much enthusiasm for what the extrovert has to say. Being quiet is not being interested and a one-sided relationship hurts.

5. Give them a chance to talk...

Fair, if it doesn't lead to the problems of #4.

6. Be comfortable with silence. Introverts generally like it quiet – but they also enjoy spending time with others. Quietly.

Why should we be comfortable with silence? That's like saying to an introvert "be comfortable with talking".

7. Repeat what you heard them say. Ask introverts if your summary was accurate.

Now this is just getting burdensome.

8. Use nonverbal communication. According to Laney, shoulder pats, hand holding, kisses on the cheek are effective ways to “talk” to people with introverted personality traits.

First make sure this introvert is not also on the autism spectrum or this could really backfire.

9. Appreciate how much energy it takes introverts to be with people – whether it’s a group or just you. Show your appreciation.

And introverts should appreciate what it takes for us to talk to them.

10. Get comfortable with a different conversational pace. Learn to value how introverts communicate - because it is different than people with extroverted personality traits!

Do they "appreciate" the exrovert style? All I hear is accusations that extroverts just "talk to hear the sound of their own voice".

Sep 29, 2009 6:03 PM

Guest :

"You are all hypocrites because you are expressing your intolerance for extroverts but you expect us the to sugar coat our opinions for you."

I've got to agree...I find introvert sites filled with this type of hypocrisy. They whine and whine about how they are misunderstood and then go right on to talk about how extroverts "talk just to hear there own voices" or are shallow or rudely interrupt or just like to be the center of attention.

But these introverts can't get over themselves because that's just the problem...they think too damn much about themselves. And the self delusion is astounding. If I hear one more self-centered introvert say what a "good listener" they are when we all know they get bored hearing more than 3 sentences from another human I'll just...god, I don't even know what. These are the most frustrating people.

Oct 5, 2009 6:43 PM

Guest :

Wow there seems to be a few angry extroverts making comments on this article. I can understand their frustraton, god knows dragging an introvert into a conversation is like pulling teeth (for both parties). But insults? Really? If you don't want to talk to introverts DONT!!! Believe me they will silently thank you for leaving them alone!
As for this article, its asinine. Period. There is no speciel recipe you can use to get an introvert to talk to you. All it takes is some time and patience, and if you don't have that then feel free to move on. And please please please don't touch them!!! Not only is it an invasion of their personal space, but they will also spend the next couple of days wondering why you touched them!!

Jul 19, 2010 4:45 PM

Guest :

First of all, everyone on this site needs to just calm down. I'm an introvert and I absolutely hate being pulled into conversations by people who think they are doing me a favor. -And I really don't like extroverts who talk just for the sake of talking. It's annoying and drains the life out of me.

I know that I'm insulting extroverts, but this is just the truth. They are not expected to like introverts either. Introverts and extroverts don't need to like each other, but we all need to be able to at least tolerate each other.

Jul 26, 2010 2:32 AM

Guest :

If somethings not worth saying dont say it. I'd rather say 100 words of something interesting in a day rather than hear 5,000 words of rubbish like most extroverts do. Introverts can be great in social situations because we are generally more interesting haha

Aug 5, 2010 1:28 PM

Guest :

Well it's true what they saY we usually think too muh about things, and i've got to admit that's nkt healthy since it leads to stress, but extroverts really need to think before they talk for what they say can be misinterpreted by introverts and other extroverts equally, introverts think sk much that can end up undertanding something completely different fom something simple but not well said/thought and extroverts so rarely think about what they say and listen that get things superficially and since they are usually not in the same tone with anybody due to their SOMETIMES volatile personality, what seems superficially something to one extrovert Can mean something different superficially to another extrovert, and as i said, extroverts usually are fine with the superficial meaning of things, maybe more often than what's "safe"; and because of that is why differences appear, so the key for communiction between both is, for extroverts to be open but not pushy, and for introverts try not to space out much before talking and lose the fear to do so, at least when in a small group of people, and yeah, introverts need to stop worrying so much about the consequences of talking and do so only to be able to give a clear message (introverts don't need to be given the message totally forward, they can try and deduce what an extrovert or another introvert said succesfully an in case of doubt, just ask if what they understood is right compared to extroverts who get what they her and USUALLY don't ask if they got it right). Oh and yeah, to everyone insulting one another, guess what the other side doesn't care t least that specific person is unstable, introverts KNOW insulting in such a rude way is sign of weakness and extroverts just have better things to do than caring about insults over the internet. All this was said without any offense intented, make of it what you want, it was just an advice that i thought would be useful for BOTH sides, that being said i take this comment as concluded, you can guess by yourself where i can be "classified", although i think i let it slip right at the start, anyway have a hood day and be happy woth who you are, and for the love of god (if there's any) don't judge people just because they are ex/introverted.

Aug 12, 2010 4:46 AM

Bethany Brown :

I agree with the others -- it's taken me a long time to figure out that being an introvert doesn't make me socially inept or broken somehow. Trying to fit in with extroverted people has caused me a lot of unnecessary stress and worry over the years. There's something in our society which pressurises everyone to be outgoing and loud -- mistaking these traits for confidence -- and devaluing those of us who aren't. Our culture is just becoming louder, brighter, faster, all the time. Just compare today's advertisements, films and tv shows with those broadcasted 20 or more years ago.

There's nothing wrong with being quiet. There's nothing wrong with enjoying your own company. It's taken me so long to learn that. But the truth is, being self-reliant in this way is one of the best things you can have in life, because you are the only constant.

Aug 13, 2010 8:27 AM

Guest :

This is SO me.

Aug 18, 2010 2:19 PM

Guest :

"hey everyone, lets scrutinize the strange creature who doesn't run off at the mouth in a gilded cage!" That's what I derived from this admittantly biased description on inward oriented people. If it were'nt for the fact that it was published under a pseudo-psychology (but isn't all psychology pseudoscience?) website. Let me summarize point that you circumnavigated or just aren't capable of deducting. Wheras extroverts value quantity of words, blind spontaneous actions, and "abstract" concepts and emotions, introverts value quality of words, intuitive forsight, and concrete ideas. Further, it is a common trait of introverts to think deeper about issues and consequently use more calories or ATP to their brain thus giving them a tired, haggard, quite appearence. For the more simple minded and superficial people out there, be happy to know that someone went through the research to bring you ammunition against all the introverts in the world. Hey, maybe you can even grow tolerant of your "retarded puppy" friends and family that are seen, not heard. Ok, I've ranted enough, statistics now: only 20-30% of the population is introversion oriented. You can be happy knowing that lack of social rituals and superficiality is not that contagiouse. Furthermore, 60-70% of the gifted population (>140 I.Q.) is introverted. Wait, are you implying so-somethin hearr?? YOU do the research. Don't take someones word for granted unless they have adequate credentials.

Aug 19, 2010 12:40 AM

Guest :

well, the 10 tips would be helpful also to the introverts if only extroverts could come to tolerate us(introverts). the article in itself is very good. now, according to most extroverts, everybody should be like them and they just can't understand why it has to be otherwise. most people hate people introverts, they call them cold,unfeeling and incapable of loving. and they don't see the honesty, loyality and truthfullness that introvert to... i guess the fact that we are not loud shadows every other positive aspect we possess. also because introverts are very analytical and thoughtfull, we tend to want to understand people from the inside out while extroverts usually take things for their face value. i found this article after reaserching about quiet people like me, i have always asked myself why i just didn't like mingling too much and now i understand thanks to this article. if extroverts were good readers and researchers like us, they probably would have found this article which i think would be much more helpful to them than it is to an introvert. same goes for employers who don't recognise what geniuses we are, if you can't be very oral,you can't do the work according to them.

Aug 19, 2010 4:39 AM

Guest :

"Use nonverbal communication. According to Laney, shoulder pats, hand holding, kisses on the cheek are effective ways to “talk” to people with introverted personality traits."
Psychical contact may not be the best idea if you do not know the introvert very well, as they prefer being somewhat gaurded/distanced from others.

Aug 23, 2010 10:21 PM

Guest :

As an introvert I do not need to be invited to speak as the article states, I have no problem speaking my thoughts when they are generated by me regarding something of importance to me.Also non verbal communication is ok if you are my spouse but otherwise I'm all set...and you do not have to repeat to me what I have said to you because that will be annoying and I will think you are doing it to help yourself understand.
offering silence doesn't do much but tell me that you can't wait for me to finish, try to interact but without being fake because an introvert can spot fake people a mile away. If you are not interacting with someone who is giving you opportunity to then you are just being fake and judgmental and you take what they say and then turn arround and tell someone else they said it. It gets old for an introvert who can see right through the fakeness.

Aug 25, 2010 4:56 AM

Guest :

Yes touching an introvert is only a good idea if you really want to make a powerful impact on that person. I am very introverted and I don't really like to be touched at all, only in very intimate situations.

I also don't find this article insulting, I wish more extroverts understood how intense and overpowering some situations can be and understood how our brains work. When I was a child, just the smell of going into a Mervin's store would be too much for me. Most people can't understand how that kind of seemingly innocuous thing is uncomfortable for an introvert.

Sep 2, 2010 12:26 AM

Guest :

I don't find this article offensive at all. It may be in fact written by an introvert who is sincere enough with himself/herself to know that there are certain rules in successfully communicating with introverts. As a guest already said, the truth is the truth. You can either reject it and be insulted, or accept it and lead a better life. P.S Those are just pointers for a better communication with introverts, not THE RULE. True, the pointers are a bit vague. A rule that i would recommend is to not use these rules all the time and vary things from time to time. Introverts aren't introverts all of the time! Occasionally, we can react quite like an extrovert in certain situations or when we feel like it.

Sep 25, 2010 9:22 AM

Guest :

This makes sense i feel like that a lot of the time like i enjoy being alone i guess im classified as a quiet person and i keep to myself and dont usually like to start conversations with people i dont know very well but i do like being around other people and i like talking and getting to know people i guess im just not good at it but its important not to be extremely one way or another everyone has different and diverse personalities and if a person is extremely one sided they either look like a social outcast and awkward or like they are so dependent on others opinions its sad or they look like a complete ass i feel like i could be around others all the time and i usually am but i myself would and do prefer to be alone and just focus on my thoughts or to do whatever i feel free when im alone but love to be around others to me people need to be both and if they are extremely one sided work on the other i think it needs to be done for people to become a more well rounded person and understand others and as for this article this is judging people to harshly based on a trait and looks to deep into it, it seems like its saying your either this way or this way and thats it which isnt the case considering how many qualities and traits make up a person and if your one way or another and you dont like it change it force yourself to be different and be taken out of your element its a good learning experience and helps you be a better person in my opinion

Oct 1, 2010 6:48 PM

Guest :

Wow, yes, this article was absolutely written by an extrovert. I'm not stupid....I just don't care to talk to you unless I feel like it. Shoulder pats, holding hands and kissing on the cheek......um...........invade my personal space at you own risk buddy. If introverts really don't care to talk to people, why would anyone think we want people touching us?

Oct 8, 2010 3:33 AM

Guest :

Why is everyone so offended by this article... Read the introduction again:
'Here are suggestions on communicating with people who have introverted personality traits.' So it's mostly written objectively.
Even if you think it's brought a little rude, than it's still a waste of energy to get angry about it. I actually found it interesting reading as many things here are reflecting me, I am an introvert aswell but wasn't aware (or it never came up to me) of it until a short time .

Oct 23, 2010 12:50 PM

Guest :

Not to feed the trolls, but do you know what? I was enjoying my cereal alone until the day an extrovert pissed in it and blamed its in-edibility on my attitude. Not all extroverts think this fallaciously. The fact that they don't understand their rudeness is one thing, but the fact that they insist it's me reeks of a lack of any social initiative/understanding they claim to have. Interacting with an introvert is all about being a good neighbor. Don't let your dog crap on my lawn. Don't trespass on my property and call it yours. Be curious and sincere. Don't impose your own interpretation of life on me. It's all about respect. We may value some things in common, but not everyone has to like doing what you like doing, do they? Listen to what he/she has to say if you want to interact with an introvert. Don't assume or interpret. Clarify. He/she will be listening to what you have to say.

Nov 1, 2010 4:47 PM

Guest :

I am always more comfortable with just me and my thoughts analyzing constantly, it makes me feel prepared, I feel that this alleviates unneeded anxiety. I cannot stand small talk if it's not very important, I would rather not hear it. If I could live in my head and never come out I would. I also believe that introverts usually are people with mild to serious anxiety issues. It makes sense in my case. But, I think what really makes and introvert is the yearning to have peace of mind, it seems like extroverts have hyperactive disorders and feed off of others, I just like relaxing, and not having to worry about how I should act at a party, event, etc.

Nov 5, 2010 6:27 PM

Guest :

How draining that sounds..Way to much energy to pull someone out of their shell!!

Nov 15, 2010 10:33 PM

Guest :

Oh my god. The writer might have well have put "Approach the poor lonely introvert with caution. It can be a scared little thing and if you startle it it may panic and play dead". I think he forgot the best rule for talking to introverts DONT PATRONIZE US!
This is the biggest load of rubbish I've ever read.
Introverts aren't always shy. I for one am both but there are people who just prefer to be by themselves even if they are not "scared" to talk to people.
"Appreciate how much energy it takes introverts to be with people – whether it’s a group or just you. Show your appreciation." <<<<WOW if THAT isn't patronizing i don't know what is! If i got up the courage to have a proper conversation with someone that i was shy around then the person started praising me for it it would make me go straight back into my shell. It'd be like they were saying "OMG look at you! You're talking and everything almost like a normal person! Good for you!"

# Give them a chance to talk. Offer silence, which may prompt people with introverted personality traits to share their thoughts.
# Be comfortable with silence. Introverts generally like it quiet – but they also enjoy spending time with others. Quietly. <<<<<WRONG. We may be introverts but we don't want people to NEVER speak to us. I prefer being by myself but if i am with someone (who I'm not shy around) I don't want to sit there in silence with them, I wouldn't enjoy that at all. And if the writer is yet again mistaking Introversion (if that is the correct term) with shyness then they are REALLY wrong. If i were in a group of people, say in a classroom or meeting, I would prefer to sit and listen and let everyone else do the talking but if i was with just one person and they went silent that wouldn't be just silence that would then qualify as awkward silence. It would send me into panic mode thinking "Oh god, I've got to speak up before this becomes more awkward" but i wouldn't be able to think of anything to say.And anything that i did happen to come up with, i would over-criticize in my head thinking it sounds pathetic, stupid, weird etc because the awkward silence would make me too nervous to be relaxed enough to be confident in what I'm saying.

Nov 20, 2010 10:24 PM

Guest :

I kind of felt the article was a touch condescending, like introverts are cute pets and you need to learn how to play with your new pet, but that's just poor wording, I think. Looking at what the words are trying to actually say without taking in to account the subtle down talk, its fairly accurate for me. But no touching. Especially if we are not friends unless you dont mind getting elbowed in the solar plexis.

To those of you genuinely offended, just think of it this way: most articles written about exroverts, by introverts make exroverts sound like lost puppies desperate for attention from anyone. ;)

Nov 21, 2010 2:39 PM

Guest :

This is obviously written by someone who has never gotten an opinion of an introvert. I'm an introvert and if someone talked to me like that I would think they're nuts or a slow person! Its much simpler then that to talk to someone who is introverted.

Nov 23, 2010 11:08 AM

Guest :

I do agree with 'communicate in writing'. I'm always surprised that, in that medium, I tend to communicate much more elaborately and quickly then extroverts.

Dec 4, 2010 11:27 AM

Guest :

Wow, those 5 bullets are spot on!

I agree with most of the ten points, but some I don't. It all depends on what is being discussed, their mood, and how good one is at naturally speaking English. Many times I may talk slow because I can't describe what I'm trying to get across in words or I don't remember a certain word/have a tough time communicating on a more intelligent level, where in writing I have no problem because nobody knows how many pauses I took to write something. Many times I wish I could just communicate telepathically (let them see what I'm thinking instead of describing it to them...to avoid the confusion of translating what I'm thinking into words).

I also find people seem to think introverts are not very open, but that is not true. It's more of a case that I need eye contact or a smile or something from a person, before I say something back to them or acknowledge them and if I don't get it then I continue along. A simple hello, good-bye and some sort of respect is what will keep me happy. If that doesn't happen, then I start getting pissed and then those people who ignore you don't understand why, a few months down the road, you are so mad all of a sudden.

I think it's important to make sure that introverts don't feel left out - that is the biggest key or you will have a PO introvert, which is worsened due to the "always going over things in their head" part. This would all be avoided with a little more friendliness to show that you don't really hate the introvert (as that is what the introvert will think).

Dec 4, 2010 11:56 AM

Guest :

Looking at some of the comments, I find it funny that extroverts claim that they have to sugar coat things to introverts?

I wonder where they get this BS from. I wish extroverts just told me straight up what they thought instead of sugar coating/lying to us introverts. It's drives me mad when I think someone hates me (based on their actions) and then they sound all friendly to your face (then probably go talk a bunch of smack behind your back).

I have to agree with the extroverts on the introverts are self-centered. It is true, I only think about myself and generally don't care what other people say and I always have difficulties asking questions...cause deep down inside I don't care. They just talk and I sit there listening to them and then when they stop talking I think to myself "WTF do I say" ....besides some generic saying 'oh...wow', 'that's good'...'oh I see'.....LOL. I didn't know it pissed extroverts off that much.

Dec 19, 2010 6:41 AM

Guest :

This describes me pretty well, I'm not offended at all. It's quite accurate, except for point 8; some of us really don't appreciate unneccesary touching.

Feb 7, 2011 1:03 PM

Guest :

I will definitely have to agree with a lot of people's comments on how I almost feel insulted by this article being an introvert. This was CLEARLY written by a extrovert. I am sick of everyone around me saying "You need to be more of a go-getter!" "Talk more" "be more sociable!" "Be friendly, you're too shy! Youre never gonna make it being so shy!" Why is it that introverts are the ones with the problems?? Probably because we are outnumbered by extroverts! We live in an extrovert world and they are not understanding. We are considered the werid ones or whatever and it's annoying and makes life hard on introverts. Read Carl Jung's book about the personality types, it's very interesting. Since we were little we were taught to live in an extroverted way because that is what society wants from us. So why do introverts have to extroverts?? Everyone always wants everyone else to be like them, they are always changing people. I don't want to change, I like who I am. I think being an introvert is better! BUT I'm not trying to change anyone!

Feb 7, 2011 1:05 PM

Guest :

This is bullsh**. We are so outnumbered and they are trying to change us to be more like "them." THis is clearly written by a extrovert. Always trying to change us, since we were little.

Feb 12, 2011 10:30 PM

Guest :

Very useful! I've only recently realised my introvert nature. I seem to tick many of the boxes for an introvert. I've found in high school and college I had (and have) many groups of friends but I've always stood on the peripherey of those circles. I find I always push people away from getting close and don't appreciate poking them their noses in what I do when not socialising with them. My friends know little about my family and my family little about my friends. I seem to intrigue myself...

Mar 25, 2011 5:19 AM

Guest :

Extremely helpful for those who struggle to recognize and understand introverted people, and useful to train people on how to communicate with those who are more introverted. I have always been very introverted and would love it if people generally made these sorts of small efforts to try to reach out to me (it certainly would make things easier). It would also be great if you could go over some of the ways that introverted people could use to reach out to those who are more extroverted. Nice article.

Jun 4, 2011 12:18 PM

Guest :

I don't necessarily feel offended by the article but it does at times make introverted people sound like they need to be handled with kid gloves by the "adults in the room." This is not the case, but otherwise the article is okay.

For the posters who feel insulted I say this: People are people. You're not an introvert, you have an introverted personality type. Yes, there are more extroverted people than introverted, but that's not to say that either type is more normal. I'll have none of this "accepting that I'm weird" business. =/ The more you label yourself, the more you will become that label.

Jun 20, 2011 7:39 AM

Guest :

This article seems so stupid that I couldn't stop laughing while reading it. I can't believe such an article exists! It makes introverts seem like dull-witted idiots. And I find that offensive because I'm strongly introverted.

"Introverts hesitate before sharing personal information." Of course I need to assess if you could handle that information, if I could trust you with that part of me, etc. This should be rephrased into something like "Introverts tend to be reserved in sharing personal information." The word "hesitate" implies witholding information is a bad thing.

"Introverts may need to be drawn out." What am I, a pet snail? Drawing us out is unnecessary. We'll deal with the world on our own pace, so let us recharge in peace.

"Repeat what you heard them say. Ask introverts if your summary was accurate." This seems okay ocassionally, but if an extrovert acquaintance of mine would do this for every point I make, it would make my head explode. Just listen carefully to what we say and that's enough.

"According to Laney, shoulder pats, hand holding, kisses on the cheek are effective ways to “talk” to people with introverted personality traits." No, no, NO! Introverts are strongly territorial. Unless you're 100% sure said introvert is comfortable with such touching, don't do it. It would only make the person put up even more barriers because you're invading personal space.

Jun 23, 2011 1:56 PM

Guest :

Very interesting except for No 8- I dislike contact and would not like someone to touch me when a simple thank you would be fine.

Jun 23, 2011 2:19 PM

Guest :

I am confused - I have all the traits of an introvert since birth- yet parents-teachers-employers etc. have tried to change me to make me more acceptable to society- their society, which is making me depressed I have already suffered their physical and verbal abuse- I have sought professional help, only to be informed that they 'think' it might be a personality disorder- In fact I thought I have Asperger's Syndrome-40 out of 50 score! It feels like a disability being an introvert when everyone else treats you as though you are disabled. Any tips on dealing with bullies?

Jun 25, 2011 10:45 PM

Guest :

i guess i can say it will help me somewhat. i just started talking to an introvert. we had our times. and today he broke up wit me but later tonight he texted me saying he didnt want to call it over between us. he wants to make it workout but wants me to learn more and understand introvert relationship and all.

Jul 27, 2011 2:28 PM

Guest :

"This article makes introverts sound like retarded puppies. And I'm pretty sure I'm not a retarded puppy."
I laughed so hard at this comment.

I have a different view than most other introverts who read this article. I actually think it's quite good, but I may be biased because, in addition to being an introvert, I have social anxiety. So keep that in mind.

I think that dealing with extroverts would be a lot easier if they kept these things in mind. I find it hard to keep up a conversation (especially in groups) because by the time I've formulated a response, the topic has moved on. I need time to formulate my ideas before I'm comfortable speaking, whereas extroverts seem to have the ability to think through what they're going to say while they're saying it. I've been in situations where I feel pressured to speak before having time to consider what I'm about to say, and it comes out as a garble of nonsense. It's not necessarily because I'm "slow", but because my mind is processing a thousand things at once and it takes a minute for me to make sense of what I want to say.

Sep 9, 2011 1:28 AM

Guest :

Small talk is a valuable opportunity to enhance relationships and build rapport. Its important even in business. A study done by Midwestern University found that 80% of the time, a lack of communication skills rather than technical ability or business know-how as the reason people do not get ahead in their jobs. I think those introverts that make fun or put down extraverts that use this tool to begin relationships whether business or personal, are just plain wrong. If you are uncomfortable with it, that doesn't make it trivial. Never underestimate the importance of small talk. Small talk is not just chattering away by yourself, but using the conversation to learn more about who you are speaking to. Small talk is not "the lonely stepchild of real conversation" but rather the way to get to meaningful conversation. Perhaps if you are uncomfortable in a new social situation, its because you want to dive in with your "meaningful" conversation right away and normally people need to get a feeling of the new person's personality before jumping in. Even animals will "check each other out" in the beginning.

I tried to objectively look at this article and try to figure out why so many see it as offensive and I can honestly not understand it. This article says exactly what so many others do about how to try to understand introverts and communicate with them. The only thing I can see that many would consider objectionable is the touching part. Some introverts can handle a limited amount of it, particularly if they know the person well. Others can't bear it at all, even from relatives.

I understand that introverts often feel overwhelmed by extroverts. We are in the majority and its an extroverted world. And being an extravert, I know its very difficult for us to understand the minds of introverts where humans and socializing are not appreciated in the same ways we do. I know that extraverts can be pushy at times because of their misunderstanding of the introverted mindset. But neither needs to accuse the other of being wrong and constantly whining about the innate traits of both because they are not your own. I do find this a lot with introverts as evidenced in these posts. It seems to me to be a learned defense conditioned response.

The repeating suggestion she made is called "mirroring" and is often suggested in therapy as a method of validating what your partner is saying and making sure you understand it. It is NOT suggested to make you feel stupid....far from it. This simple activity involves listening to your partner and paraphrasing, out loud, what you heard him or her say. The mirroring step really lets you slow down and hear each other.

Sep 15, 2011 2:31 PM

Guest :

What are you all talking about??? I'm an introvert but my BFFs are extroverted and popular....it doesn't MATTER if someone is more social than another...It is the whole character that matters and not just a particular trait like sociality.....and i've really had seen introverted people becoming POPULAR just becose they were never given the chance before or becauce they increased their confidence... REMEMBER THIS.....sociality is an innate talent...but an introverted still can work with it and reach his sociality in HIGHER levels...

Oct 23, 2011 10:12 AM

Guest :

"According to Laney, shoulder pats, hand holding, kisses on the cheek are effective ways to “talk” to people with introverted personality traits."

Wow, that was offending. The above is a good way to talk to someone who is severely depressed! I mean come on!

Oct 30, 2011 6:47 PM

Guest :

The extroverted people who have replied are missing the point of this article. i believe the Author of this article is right (FULL STOP NO MORE NEEDS TO BE SAID) your extroverted oppininion is why this article needed to be written.

take the advice and accept it as fact (cos it is) and realise when you go off your brain and refer to introverted people as having 'personality problems' you have a personality problem yourself in that you need to assert your extroverted personality onto all introverted people. Why? cos you don't trust someone who takes time to answer?

did you concider that introverts don't trust extroverts because we believe that if someone is talking there head off they are most likely takling bullshit and not thinking about what they are saying and are more likely to be trying to lie to you in order to use/abuse an introvert (we think of extroverts as used car salesmen trying to take our money and sell us crap)

So in conclusion if an extrovert talks a million miles a minute an introvert will think they are a Phsycopathic lier willing to walk, talk and bullshit their way through life - riding on the coat tails of the introverted people - who simply don't give a shit about an extroverted lifestyle.

Extroverts believe us introverts when we say we really don't care about you - nothing personal just you don't affect our daily lives thats all....take sometime to get to know an introvert (using this article as advice) and you will find we hate 'slimey' extroverts as much as you hate the 'slimey' quiet person in the corner. would be a great converstation (as long as the extrovert can concentrate long enogh to get a fully formed idea out of their head)

Nov 30, 2011 4:33 PM

Guest :

I just find the whole introvert/ extravert argument quite extraordinary. Talking and saying hi is normal, making people feel comfortable is normal, asking about someone's day is polite. Stomping around in silence with a face like thunder, irritated by conversation is a sign of depression. Give the introverts a drink and watch them fly! But lots of them will not dare...if they do they are the office clown, quite sad really. BTW am very "extravert" read about 3 books a week, a designer, complete 5 sudoku puzzles a night, adore talking in between, i call it happy! So don't mind quiet..... i just find introvert read depressed and repressed and not a very happy bunch, you get an introvert talking and wow! shut up! It's just a depression

Dec 21, 2011 11:36 AM

Guest :

as an introvert, i am very glad i wasn't the only one who found this article to be patronizing and more than a little disparaging. introversion is not a mental disease and i sure as hell will take offense if someone treats me like those "tips" say.

Jan 19, 2012 5:53 PM

Guest :

"5.Give them a chance to talk"

Although i do concur with many of the points you made about introversion, I still believe our western society looks down upon the mellow, reserved, introverted indivisuals.

I DON'T think extroverts will ever give introverts a chance to speak because introverts (myself included) think differerenly we are more attuned to converstaions that involve depth while extroverts tend to like the milder small talks.

We just have to accept who we are and use are nonverbal quilities for a good cause to ourselves and to others.

Jan 21, 2012 6:51 AM

Guest :

The most irritating about extroverts seems to be their failure to understand introverts. From personal experiences, extroverts are the ones trying to convert introverts, misjudging them as outcast because they're "too quiet", "too aloof", "too cold", etc. What many extroverts don't comprehend is that introverts, many of of us, prefer less socialization and conversation, which is misguidedly prejudiced as "cutting ourselves" off from society. Uh, no, that isn't the case at all. Simply put, the introvert, many of us, don't believe in wasting our words, our energy, our emotions, faking them to engage and please an extrovert who usually is taking about something unproductive and futile in the first place. Oh by the way, a job being around people is usually enough for eight hours anyhow. Serenity, silence, reflection, thinking, learning, and listening (when in a social atmosphere) is the preference of an introvert. Introverts aren't the "nutjobs" extroverts portray us to be; it's usually the effect of being around them, being driven "nuts" by them in the first place, because peace, quiet and reservation is their kryptonite.

Mar 19, 2012 6:08 AM

Guest :

"According to Laney, shoulder pats, hand holding, kisses on the cheek are effective ways to “talk” to people with introverted personality traits."

Bovine Stuph!!!!!!!!!! Stay OUT of MY personal space; you obnoxious pushy boor!

Mar 27, 2012 9:46 AM

Guest :

Thanks for this article. I'm an extrovert and you've really helped me to understand the man I'm in love with. He always has me to repeat something I've said even if it's days late, it's nerve wrecking to me, but now I undertand why. He always sets a time and place to talk about big issues. He says my mind blows with the wind and he thinks I'm unpredictable...he's right...I hate planning (and I'm a project and events manager!lol). He will hang out with my immediate family but will never go to the large family events and my family is a, large texas size-every Sunday after church-dinner gathering-family. And I always tell him to stay out of his own head. It's as if he conjurs up whole scenarios in his head that never even happen, and I thought he had selective memory; I didn't know he really thought he told me those things. this is a great help.I don't think any of the introverts below should feel like aliens; this article really helps us extroverts understand the introverts in our lives.

Apr 3, 2012 2:36 PM

Guest :

This seems to be confusing introversion with shyness. Introverted people like myself can readily talk to other people if we want to; we just prefer not to - especially not to boisterous extroverts. Shy people, on the other hand, are afraid of interaction.

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