Finding a counselor involves trusting your instincts! When you like and respect your therapist, you'll be more open and honest.
My experience with finding a counselor involved premarital counseling, in which our pastor and his wife gave us couples counseling. Both my husband and I benefited immensely from exploring our family histories, personalities, and relationship -- but if we didn't trust our instincts about this particular pastor, we wouldn't have enjoyed marriage therapy so much.
Crucial Characteristics of a Counseling Relationship
Crucial characteristics of a strong counseling relationship are mutual affection, comfort, and respect. Finding a counselor involves liking her. If you don't, then you're not likely to open up with your real feelings and thoughts. Finding a counselor involves respecting her. If you don't, then you won't apply her suggestions and ideas to your life. You may even lie, skip appointments, and subconsciously sabotage her attempts to help. Finding the right therapist for women and men is really important.
If you don't like your therapist at the beginning, you're probably won't like her at the end. I resented my counselor a few times, struggled with her insights, and wished I'd never embarked on the journey to the murky dregs of my personality and soul – and that was when I liked her. Finding a counselor is just the first step to getting emotionally healthy.
Three Tips for Finding a Counselor
- Accept the stigma. I was hugely embarrassed that my colleagues and friends knew I was in counseling (we lived in an American compound with no secrets) – but what I was doing was so important, I didn't care. Finding a counselor wasn't as difficult as accepting the stigma of counseling.
- Ask friends and family members for recommendations. You don't have to reveal all your issues when you're finding a counselor; simply ask friends and colleagues for suggestions. You'd be surprised at how many people have been to counseling, and how many recommend it.
- Set aside time and energy. Counseling requires time to reflect, energy to get to the appointments and deal with consequential feelings, and discipline to explore your issues on your own. It's hard – I hated it at times. Struggling through those times may provide you with more insights and growth than the other, easier, moments. When you're finding a counselor for women especially, be prepared for a huge emotional output.
Finding a counselor is similar to connecting with a good friend. You should:
- Feel comfortable, both with her personality and in her space. Finding a counselor is about comfort with being vulnerable.
- Want to share your deep, dark secrets.
- Feel appreciated and valued – after all, you're her client. Finding a counselor involves acceptance.
- Notice a progression towards positive, healthy feelings and behaviors in your life.
- Know she has your best interests in mind, even when she's making you face yourself at your worst or sharing her perceptions of your problems, relationships, and behaviors. Finding a counselor for women and men alike is about trust.
Types of Therapy
When you're finding a counselor, know that different therapists have different styles of counseling. Some follow specific branches of psychology (eg, Freud, Rogers, cognitive-behavioral, rational emotive) while others have developed a combination that works for them. You may or may not be interested in their specific style when you're finding a counselor – I wasn't. Or, you may want to read up on their line of study and learn where they're coming from and where they're going.
Check the Counselor's Credentials
Make sure your therapist has graduated with degrees, or has some counseling education. When you're finding a counselor, be aware that she or he should be willing to share her education and years of experience with you.
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Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen is a full-time writer and blogger in Vancouver, BC, and the creator of the Quips and Tips blog series.
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