If you're afraid to commit to marriage, then fear of intimacy is stopping you from living and loving fully. Here are a few ways to overcoming fears of commitment and getting married.
Overcoming Fear of Marriage With Counseling
Finding a counselor doesn't have to involve a psychologist or psychiatrist! It's talking to your rabbi, pastor, parent, or mentor. Talking to a "therapist" can mean seeking a wise person to be real with. Facing the fear of getting married involves figuring out if you have fear of intimacy issues, or if you're simply not ready for this marriage.
Using Honesty to Face Fears of Commitment
Are you afraid of not having things to talk about in five or twenty-five years? Talk about that. Are you afraid of feeling suffocated, having kids, not being ready for a commitment, or financial burdens? Talk about it. The more you hide your specific fears of marriage, the bigger the fears get. The more you hide anything the worse it gets!
Finding Resources to Help With Intimacy Issues
Do a little research. Go to the library or bookstore. Find yourself in those books, and apply the writer's wisdom to your life. Read about the stages of love. Overcoming fear of marriage requires a little digging, both into the literary world and your own soul.
Asking Premarital Questions to Reduce Fear of Intimacy
These premarital questions may help you determine whether you're really ready. Be honest when you think about and share your answers with your partner. Focus on not judging or condemning, but being vulnerable and open.
Letting Time Pass When Facing Fear of Marriage
Maybe you're afraid to commit because now isn't the time for you to get married. How do you know if you're simply not ready, or if you're avoiding healthy long-term love and commitment? Talk it through with someone you trust, be honest with yourself, and follow your gut. Facing fear of marriage requires admitting the truth to yourself and your partner, no matter what stage the engagement or marriage is at.
Facing Fear of Marriage When You're Already Married
Part of the reason the divorce rate is so high is that people get married despite their fears and reservations. They ignore the hints in both themselves and their partners; hints that indicate addictions, irresponsibilities, abuse, untreated mental illness, and problems of all sorts.
If you're married and realized you're facing fear of marriage, get help. Go to couples counseling, or see a therapist on your own. Talk to someone you trust, such as a mentor or pastor.
If you found Fear of Marriage helpful, you might want to read Overcoming Emotional Distance and Separation.
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen is a full-time writer and blogger in Vancouver, BC, and the creator of the Quips and Tips blog series.
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