The choice to be a stay-at-home mom can lead to unanticipated feelings of depression, isolation, and dissatisfaction for some mothers. In fact, reader comments on Are Stay-at-Home Moms More Depressed? reveal that some stay at home moms struggle with seriously depressed feelings and emptiness – while other mothers at home full-time have never been happier!
Here’s what one stay-at-home mom says: “I have no satisfaction that is directly for me – everything is for [my child], my husband, and the household. I have nothing to show for it otherwise, no paycheck, no recognition. My friends all work and being a stay-at-home mom is somewhat antiquated. It puts me in an old-fashioned type of category, where I'm out of touch with the modern world. It’s very isolating.”
Some stay-at-home moms miss the external rewards and accomplishments that a career can bring. Some mothers struggle with the daily routine and feeling “left out” of the modern world. And still other stay-at-home moms feel that they sacrificed everything for their children, only to be left when the kids go off to college or begin their lives away from home.
Signs of Depression in Stay-at-Home Mothers
Weight gain or loss, lack of energy, no motivation, lost sleep, no enjoyment of life, inability to make decisions, and difficulty concentrating are a few signs of depression.
A lack of respect from society (or certain segments of society), dissatisfaction with the daily routine, and the feelings of isolation and emptiness can also lead to depression for some stay-at-home moms.
Help for a Stay-at-Home Mom's Depressed Feelings
One of the first steps to overcoming depression for stay-at-home moms is to focus on the cause.
It's best to be as specific as possible when exploring the cause of a stay-at-home mom's depressed feelings: is it the daily routine, lack of appreciation, societal stigma, comments from family or friends, or lack of challenge?
Different mothers struggle with different things when raising kids full-time – and, of course, some moms absolutely love it!
Specific Ways to Stop Feeling Depressed
There are several ways that a stay-at-home mom can combat depression.
- Build a support system. Confiding in friends, family, peers, or anyone who understands (or at least sympathizes with) depression can help alleviate feelings of isolation, loneliness, and emptiness.
- Find activities that energize and feed the spirit. Overcoming depression can involve simple (yet fulfilling!) activities, such as attending a dance class, brainstorming ways to turn a hobby into a home-based business, or taking an hour or two a week at a favorite coffee shop to read a good book or write in a journal. Some stay-at-home moms neglect themselves – they don't take time out to do what they love.
- Make treating depression a priority. Most of the ways to get help for depression involve time and energy – which some stay-at-home moms don’t have enough of! Or, they may feel guilty for hiring childcare “just” to take time for themselves. But, overcoming feelings of isolation and emptiness has to involve making room in life for certain priorities…and mental and emotional health is a top priority.
- Remember that overcoming depression takes time. Feeling better doesn’t happen overnight! It takes time to untangle the possible causes of depressed feelings, rearrange daily routines, and experiment with different solutions.
If the feelings of emptiness, isolation, sadness, exhaustion, or depression are serious — affecting day to day functioning — call a family doctor, counselor, or depression help line today. Don’t wait until major depression hits before getting help!
For Further Reading
Resources for Emotional Healing includes articles about protecting personal boundaries, reestablishing personal identity, and stopping self-sabotage and self-defeat – all of which can help with depressed feelings.
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen is a full-time writer and blogger in Vancouver, BC, and the creator of the Quips and Tips blog series.
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