Toxic coworkers don’t just make life difficult, they can impede career goals, slow professional achievement, and even affect financial prosperity! Learning how to handle difficult people at work strengthens professional relationships, improves mental and emotional health, boosts career confidence.
Choosing the right technique depends on the type of toxic coworker one is dealing with. The first step is to identify the type of toxic person. Then, carefully consider the best way to deal with him or her.
The Direct Confrontation Technique
If the toxic coworker is a psychological bully, he or she may need to be directly confronted. Bullies need victims. The more confident and calm the person who confronts, the more the bully will respect and back down.
“…You may want to tell the person boldly how you feel about what he or she said or did,” writes Lillian Glass in Toxic People: 10 Ways of Dealing With People Who Make Your Life Miserable. “In directly confronting someone, it is essential that you project your voice so that you can be heard and speak in a well-modulated tone.”
Directly confronting a difficult person at work may simply mean saying, “I don’t like how you spoke to me in that meeting. Your tone of voice and words made me look incompetent and foolish.”
The “Give Them Hell and Yell” Technique
Dealing with toxic coworkers may mean giving as good as you get. If the coworker is loud, brash, and offensive, then the best way to respond may be loudly, brashly, and offensively.
“Sometimes you have to scream and yell, because this is the only way you can be heard,” writes Glass. She does not recommend regular use of this technique – it’s actually a sign of a toxic person! But, sometimes dealing with difficult people requires fighting fire with fire. The trick is to control angry feelings, and not let them get the best of you.
The “Give Them Love and Kindness” Technique
If the root of all toxicity is jealousy due to insecurity and a lack of self-esteem (as Glass suggests), then toxic people may need to be handled with love, compassion, and kindness.
No matter how nasty, unkind, or negative the coworker is, it’s important to stay calm and collected. It’s easier to stay cool if you remember that the toxic person is in pain. She feels empty, unloved, and full of self-loathing – and that’s why she spreads toxicity around the workplace.
Receiving love and kindness may soften the toxic person's tone, loosen her body language, and change her words from harsh to pleasant. Let her know you’re on her side, and she may respond with softness and gentleness.
Remember: different types of toxic coworkers respond to different techniques in different ways. For instance, some difficult people won’t be affected by love and kindness – but they do respond to direct confrontation. To decide how to respond, it’s best to use a combination of gut instinct and trial-and-error.
Dealing with toxic coworkers not only improves the work environment, it increases professional self-confidence and future career growth!
Source:
Glass, Lillian. Toxic People: 10 Ways of Dealing With People Who Make Your Life Miserable. (St Martin’s Press, 1995).
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen is a full-time writer and blogger in Vancouver, BC, and the creator of the Quips and Tips blog series.
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