Overcoming marital infidelity -- whether it was a physical or emotional affair -- takes dedication, time and energy. These suggestions for saving your marriage after you cheated on your spouse will help rebuild trust and create a strong marriage.
Saving your marriage after infidelity also takes courage, hard work, and honesty.
6 Steps to Overcoming Infidelity and Rebuilding Marriage Trust
1. Apologize to your spouse. Apologizing for the affair is a simple, powerful way to start overcoming infidelity. You're in pain - and so is your partner. You may feel defensive, scared and confused – but a sincere apology without excuses or rationales is the first step to rebuilding marriage trust. No matter how unstable your marriage was before you betrayed your spouse, admit that you were responsible, and that you were wrong to have your emotional affair, one-night stand, or multiple affairs.
2. Listen to your spouse. No matter how bad it makes you feel, let your partner share feelings of betrayal, pain, disgust, rage, or frustration. Listen intently, until your partner is finished talking. Put your feelings of guilt, remorse or pain aside. Overcoming marital infidelity involves emotional sacrifice and painful, vulnerable communication. If you want to save your marriage, you need to work to build a better relationship.
3. Discuss the physical or emotional affair. Your spouse deserves answers. Share some details of how and why you betrayed your spouse. Discuss the affair in terms of how it came about and how you and your spouse can ensure it doesn't happen again. To overcome marital infidelity, talk about a plan to protect yourselves from another affair.
4. Change your lifestyle. After you've cheated on your partner, you are no longer free to follow your old patterns. Accepting new limits and boundaries (eg, not lunching alone with colleagues of the opposite sex) will go far in overcoming marital infidelity. Regain your spouse's trust by being open to reasonable requests regarding boundaries and behavior (marriage counseling will help you both see what is reasonable).
5. Talk about your lifestyle changes. Share how your life is different now that you want to save your marriage from another marital infidelity. Ask your spouse if your changes are helpful or not. To overcome infidelity, discuss the changes you need to make.
6. Accept that it takes a long time to rebuild marriage trust. After you've betrayed your spouse, it'll take longer than a few weeks to heal! Your partner will probably watch you closely for at least a year after the affair. It'll take awhile to accept everyday occurrences, such as you being late for dinner or suddenly changing your plans.
Marriage counseling helps couples cope with the intense, volatile emotions that often accompany affairs. If you cheated on your spouse, consider couples counseling.
If you found Overcome Infidelity and Rebuild Marriage Trust helpful, read:
- Three Stages of Love in Relationships
- Fear of Intimacy
- Trust a Cheating Husband? Tips for Surviving an Emotional Affair
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen is a full-time writer and blogger in Vancouver, BC, and the creator of the Quips and Tips blog series.
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