North American culture rewards extroverted personality traits. The more comfortable you are as the centre of attention, the more you enjoy the spotlight and crowds and parties and people, the more well-adjusted and “normal” people think you are.
Movie stars, rock singers, and politicians are perfect examples. North Americans glamorize these public careers, and it seems that these people are happily exhibiting their extroverted personality traits.
However, reality doesn’t always conform to appearance. Interviews with movie stars reveal that some are introverted – but they’re passionate about acting. They squelch their introverted personality traits in order to do what they love.
If You’re an Introvert, Should You Change Your Personality?
The short answer is no.
The long answer is: it depends. Why do you feel compelled to change? Figuring out your reasons for changing your introverted personality traits will help you determine whether change is necessary.
Reasons to “Change” Your Introverted Personality Traits
Note that change in this case isn’t forcing yourself to be someone you’re not. Here, change means leaving your comfort zone to achieve your goals.
1. Isolation. If you don’t have any close friends or social ties, you might consider joining a book club or hiking group. Social connections increase your lifespan and enhance your physical and emotional health. No matter how strong your introverted personality traits are, you need to communicate with other people. It’s good for your brain and soul.
2. A loved one asks you to. If, for instance, your wife or partner wants to attend more social gatherings, then it might behoove you to consider her feelings and needs. You want to make your partner happy, right? You don’t have to force yourself to love parties or go out every weekend. Rather, compromise on how long you’ll stay, how many parties you’ll attend in a given month, and how you’ll act when you’re there. You can still be yourself – the introvert everyone knows and loves – while building a healthy, happy relationship.
3. Your goals aren’t being met. Do you want to date, get married, start a family? Are you hoping for a promotion at work? If your introverted personality traits are obstacles to your goals, then you need to change something. Either accept that you may never be in an intimate relationship because you can’t ask someone out on a date, or practice stepping out of your comfort zone by meeting new people or telling your friends and family that you’re ready for a relationship.
If you’re not happy with the way your life is (or the way you are), then you need to find ways to leave your comfort zone and work on your introverted personality traits.
Reasons NOT to Change Your Introverted Personality Traits
If your friends or family say that “something is wrong with you” or that you’re using your introverted personality traits as an excuse for not being outgoing or social, then you need to stand up for yourself. You may be introverted, but you’re not weak!
“I am what I am” is what one introverted man recently wrote in an email. If you see no reason to change your introverted personality traits – if you’re happy the way you are – then practice Popeye’s favorite motto: “I am what I am.”
People with extroverted personality traits (and they are the majority) may not understand you. Since you can't always make people understand how you feel, you – and they – will just have to accept you for who you are.
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Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen - Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen is a full-time writer and blogger in Vancouver, BC, and the creator of the Quips and Tips blog series.
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